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Colorado Big Game Trophy Wook Hunter Kills Denver Man

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Jan. 30, 2016 A Facebook group that started as a joke has gotten all too real this weekend as a life is claimed in Denver. The group was started as a catch and release sport, where participants would take a picture with the wook, or stinky jobless hippie who is afraid of scissors and razors, and let them go into the wild. Someone didn’t get the memo. “We at CBGTWH do not condone murdering these wonderful and majestic creatures,” reported Ian Beal, the group’s founder. “Sure, they can be ornery things at times. Belligerent, spaced out, ketamine fueled idiots even.…

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This Color Blind Man Is Racist Despite Condition

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Jan. 29, 2016 Meet Jacob Jaeger (pictured). He suffers from color blindness, but that isn’t holding him back. When it comes to racial prejudice, Jaeger sees his disability as an obstacle to overcome rather than a road block. “People are always trying so hard to prove they aren’t racist these days. They say things like, ‘I don’t see color’. Well I literally don’t see color. That’s never kept me from hating anybody,” Jaeger told Word Brothel. His perseverance truly is remarkable and commendable. He went on to say, “I can’t see colors like red or green, but I know a…

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Rapper B.o.B Claims That Air Is Not Real

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Jan. 28, 2016 The Rapper known as B.o.B has been making waves on Twitter and upsetting the scientific community by claiming that he has proven that Earth, the planet he calls home, is not spherical, but in fact flat. This has started a back and forth with the nerd that’s made science cool again, Neil deGrasse Tyson, that culminated in a diss rap aimed at the Cosmos host. Now B.o.B is raising the stakes. Using his gift of keen observation, the wordsmith has brought to light another controversy in the scientific community. Air! He told the world via a YouTube…

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Mizzou Football Team Strikes For Maty Mauk

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Columbia, MO Jan. 28, 2016 Taking to Twitter using #whitelinesmatter, the Mizzou football team has threatened to strike again unless Maty Mauk is cleared of all charges and the presidents of the university and these United States of America address the issue of cocaine reform. They are demanding it be legalized in all 50 states immediately. The Mizzou Tigers realized the power they held in the fall of 2015 when a strike led to the resignation of University of Missouri Systems President Timothy Wolfe. The team is using its protesting power this time as a catalyst for major nationwide drug…

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Latest Feminist Trend: Only Abort Male Fetuses

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Jan. 27, 2016 A woman’s right to choose has long been a tenant of the feminist ideology, but new age feminists have taken it to a whole new extreme. They’re using their right to choose and choosing to abort their fetuses only if they’re male. Amanda Brecken, leader of the movement, told us in an exclusive interview that she had several reasons for starting this campaign. “I think birthing children can be empowering for women, but not if the child is going to grow up to be a rapist, misogynist, or constantly generalize people because of their sex, which all…

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Decline In Playboy Subscriptions Suggests Men Have Been Lying

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Jan. 27, 2016 After announcing that they would no longer be publishing nude photos of women in their magazine, Playboy has seen a 75% decline in their subscription sales. This trend suggests that men who say they “just read it for the articles” have been lying all these years. The change is partly due to shifting views on the sexualization of women and partly due to the fact that Internet porn has taken over as the nation’s favorite masturbatory medium. The fact remains, men have spoken and they’re saying that without the nudity, there just isn’t much left but lining for…

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Donald Trump Tells World He Is Muslim

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Jan. 24, 2016 Republican front runner and millionaire entrepreneur Donald Trump has said many things regarding Muslims during his campaign. He’s been labeled a xenophobe and a racist by those who disagree and a hero who isn’t afraid to speak his mind by his followers. One thing he’s never been called is a closet Muslim, which is what he told the world today. This news doesn’t just come from out of left field, it comes from an entirely different arena built for a completely different sport. In his speech today he told supporters, “I’ve said many things during these hard…

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6 Internet Acronyms Coined By Historical Figures

6. “FML” -Edgar Allan Poe That’s right, the American author EAP was the first to coin the term “FML” or Fuck My Life. Best known for his dark and depressing fiction and thought by many historians to have died by suicide, he actually sent this acronym for the first time by carrier pigeon to his dear friend Mortimer about a time that his cat knocked his inkwell onto a page of his poems. 5. “BRB” & “NVM” -Amelia Earhart  Besides her accomplishments in creating two widely used internet acronyms of the modern day, Amelia Earhart was also the first woman…

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Intellectual Elite Sarah Palin Saves Trump’s Campaign

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Jan. 21, 2016 Donald Trump’s campaign for 2016 Republican Presidential Nominee has been one of the most interesting and, thanks to the internet, mocked campaigns in American history. Many have taken to the web launching attacks on his character, intelligence, ability to lead, and the validity of his claim that he is a human being with emotions and free will. Well here comes someone who hasn’t had any of those premises attacked to the rescue: philosopher and scholar Sarah Palin. While Palin may have a spotless record as far as being ridiculed on the internet goes, she does have a…

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Student Allergic to Everything Gets Own School

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Jan. 20, 2016 San Fransisco, CA Second Grader Gavin Currant is like most second graders. He likes cartoons, cereal with bright colors on the box, and to play with his collection of action figures. What makes Gavin different is his allergies. Gavin is allergic to over 320 foods, animals, plants, and chemicals, which has put his school in quite the predicament. It all started on the first day of school. All students were warned not to bring peanuts, shellfish, tree nuts, gluten, soy, or milk in their school lunches. Most students complied, but one students had smuggled a fun size…

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