10 Future, Up & Coming Alex Joneses 2 Look Out 4
By: Abby Hadel
Depressed during these trying times? Don’t feel like you have anything to look forward to during these devastating days? Thinking you’re sad or whatever? Well forget about that! And think about how lucky you are to be alive with all these Alex Joneses roaming around! In recent times, the earth has become flooded with humans donning this deeply popular name. In fact, there are so many Alex Joneses, it’s hard for us to keep track! So we decided to do the dirty work for you and give you the top ten, up and coming Alex Joneses. EnJoY!
- Alex Jones, M.D.
Dr. Alex Jones, MD first hit the scene when we realized he was hot. An absolute slam-piece, Alex Jones is a doctor specializing in Urology. This Midwestern Daddi gets to check out your fageens, peens and everywhere in-betweens for a living and he’s absolutely worth spreading your legs for. Out-Of-Network costs aside, this Daddi Doc is getting us up and coming.
2. Alex Jones (the Horse)
Alex is a Belgian Warmblood Horse with skills in Low Level Dressage, something we all know to be huge in the Big-Horse industry. We first took notice of Alex when he decided to bust a fat piss while at auction. The buyers were so taken by his steady stream that the auctioneer lost all control of the group. Needless to say, Alex was sold for a small fortune as everyone wanted a piece of the pizz, I mean, the “prize”.
3. alex jones
Yoga Instructor, alex jones stretched into our peripheral vision when he joined the TED Conferences team at some unknown point in the past. Even though well known for his role as the yoga instructor for TED Conferences, alex is still pretty darn mysterious. We don’t know almost anything about him! And that makes him cool! Just think about it! What does he look like? We don’t know. What does his voice sound like? No idea! What’s his gait like? Unsure! Is he a heavy breather? Maybe?! WE DON’T KNOW. And not knowing is cool!
4. Alex Jones (BABY)
Alexander Michael Jones showed up on the radar just moments ago and we are ObSeSsEd with him! Born in a Springfield, IL Hospital on Sept. 10th at 11:59pm–that was close!– this little man has his whole life ahead of him.
5. Alex(andra) Jones
With absolutely outrageous slogans like: ‘I Love Boobs’ and ‘I Love Boobs Too’, Alex(andra) Jones’ Etsy shirt shop is changing the game. With a one-of-a-kind point of view and a product everyone loves to give people (shirts with slogans), no wonder we found her shoppe so quickly! Find this renegade’s work on Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.
6. Alex(ander) Jones (FATHER)
Rev. Alex(ander) Jones fucks. I mean this Father slaps. Absolutely rips and slams. He got our attention at a service when he turned wine into the blood of Christ. Absolutely fucking cool! Since giving his life to God, you can find Rev. Alex preaching that Gospel every Sunday, including holidays, at Villard United Methodist Church. We are truly thanking God for blessing us with Rev. Alex! TY God!
7. Alex Jones
If you haven’t heard of Alex Jones yet, you live under a rock. Alex Jones has been Coloring for a Cause since she was a wee one. When asked if she needed any help, she said no! A self-proclaimed ‘big girl’ she did this charity stuff all by herself! Want more of Alex? Watch out for her at Ridley Middle’s Back-To-School Mixer and the upcoming Scholastic Book Fair.
8. Alex(a) Jones
Alex(a) Jones is a new member of the Facebook website. FULL STOP. With no known friends and three photos of half-naked strangers alongside some tasteful jpegs of classical art, Alex(a) has nowhere else to go but up! Now everyone go Poke™ Alex(a)!
9. Alex Jones (REAL ESTATE AGENT)
Alex Jones pushed his way into our hearts the way he pushed into the Middleburg Florida Real Estate scene, hard. Absolutely NOT two kids in a trench coat, Alex’s aura screams big business and we are absolutely buying what he’s selling. And right now he is currently selling a 0.7 acre lot with 0BD, 0BA. Find your new acre of land here.
10. Alex Jones (THE CHALLENGE)
Our last Alex Jones is…..you!? Do you STILL feel as though you have nothing to look forward to even after reading about all these future superstars? Do you feel forgotten? Left out? Sad you’re not an Alex Jones too? Well look no further than this image of a mirror! You can be one of the many Alex Jones you want to see in the world! All you have to do is change your name on this very legal website and be an Alex Jones today! Wow, things really are looking up for you!