fbpx

Spreading the word around…

Category archive

Politics

The latest coverage on the apocalypse that people call politics.

Tamagotchi Introduces New Digital Pets That Comprehend Death

in Business/Entertainment/Social by

By: Daniel Wightkin EL SEGUNDO, CA—Calling it a revolution for the digital pet simulation genre, Bandai America announced Tuesday that their new Tamagotchi game features pets that comprehend the concept of death. “From the day they hatch, these adorable Tamagotchi are completely cognizant of their mortality and the fact that life is fleeting. This opens up many exciting new gameplay elements, with players helping their pet grapple with their temporary digital existence,” said Bandai in a press release. Developers boast that this version keeps the traditional happiness and hunger status bars while adding an anxiety bar that, if not kept…

Keep Reading

Blasting Off With Taron Egerton: Exclusive Interview

in Business/Celebrity/Entertainment/Movies/Music by

By: Simon Tessmer You may know movie star Taron Egerton as the lead suave spy in the Kingsman franchise, but singing and tickling the ivories? Indeed, the Welsh actor is taking a less violent and more lyrical turn as the iconic singer/songwriter Elton John in the upcoming musical biopic Rocketman. Word Brothel had the privilege of catching up with Taron at his Los Angeles estate to talk singing, portraying an icon, and sacrificing Elton John at a blood altar to absorb his essential life force. What was your biggest challenge in preparing to play such an iconic figure? I was…

Keep Reading

Alabama Senators Cock Their Guns And Lick Their Lips As Woman Hunting Season Approaches

in Health/Politics by

By: Josie Benedetti Huntsville, Alabama—Senators across Alabama are cleaning their rifles in anticipation for the opening of Women Hunting Season which begins in October.   The hunting season for women in Alabama is open for 3 months of the year beginning October 3rd and ending on December 3rd. The hunting season was put into effect to control women population in Alabama which have had a detrimental effect on the lives of many male residents there. The 9 month long off season allows women to become pregnant and give birth before the hunting season opens in the fall. Larry Stutts, Alabama…

Keep Reading

Facebook Promises More Options For Interested Warmongers

in Business/Politics/Social by

By: Zachary Hacker MENLO PARK, CA—Today at a Facebook shareholders meeting, CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced new features to optimize the platform’s outreach. They have heard the cries of warmongers and extremists around the world, each one begging for ease of service and more support for their message. Facebook showcased three new features and promised, “We are here to help.” The first feature discussed was a way to streamline exactly what your [warmongers] target audience sees. Zuckerberg says that for genocidal maniacs to get the most out of their manifesto, you can take down those posts that offer alternative facts to…

Keep Reading

Scientists Discover There Still Time To Save Planet From Global Warming For A Few Really Rich People

in Politics/Science by

By: Danny Neary LOS ANGELES, CA—After years of bad news surrounding the current climate change crisis scientists believe there may finally be a reason to feel hopeful. This week University of California Los Angeles discovered that, despite the severity of the climate change situation, there may still be time to save the planet from global warming for Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and all your other favorite really rich people. Previously, scientists had believed that the only hope for the planet was to massively change our society, restrict capitalism, and penalize the corporations responsible for the destruction of our planet. However,…

Keep Reading

Employee Late To Meeting Still Delaying Agenda With Excessive Apology

in Business/Local by

By: Simon Tessmer CHICAGO, IL—Accounting manager Mark Stevens arrived fifteen minutes late to his company’s Tuesday morning staff meeting and is still delaying its agenda with his excessive apology. Though Stevens’ fellow Razor Marketing employees generally agreed his lateness was not a big deal, the 47 year-old team member’s marathon apology has stretched into its second day, resulting in a continued colossal dive in company productivity and morale.   Stevens’ initial excuse for being tardy was “perfectly reasonable” according to sales associate Lisa Beasley. “He said ‘traffic was bad,’ we all shrugged, and our boss Jen started her quarterly earnings…

Keep Reading

New $89 Million Dollar F-35 Stealth Fighter Lost Somewhere In Hangar

in Business/Politics/Science by

By: Jack Ritchey ANDREWS AFB—Surrounded by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and an impish air of embarrassment, Air Force Master Sergeant Dana Longenecker announced this morning at a press conference that the US military’s brand new $89 million dollar Boeing F-35 stealth fighter jet was lost somewhere in one of the hangars. Sergeant Longenecker noted that the jet, which is capable of zero-gravity maneuvers at mach-5 speed and is completely invisible when the stealth mode is engaged, was parked by an intern. She went on to explain that this is why nobody seems to know exactly where it is right…

Keep Reading

Zuckerberg Releases Nightmarish Trove Of Trump Dick Pics In Failed Attempt To Win Back Public Support

in Celebrity/Politics/Social/Uncategorized by

By: Simon Tessmer PALO ALTO, CA—Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has released thousands of photographs of the president’s ugly penis in the hopes of capitalizing on anti-Trump sentiment and improving his public image. Despite tepid, perfunctory support from the Men’s Rights Activism movement, Zuckerberg has earned near-universal criticism and embroiled the globe in debilitating nausea.   “Our data from the past year indicated a widespread interest in Donald Trump’s sexual transgressions,” Zuckerberg explained in his home office. “The terms ‘Trump’ and ‘penis’ appeared in users’ texts, emails, and phone conversations at a markedly increased rate since Stormy Daniels’ book was published.…

Keep Reading

State Of The Union Drinking Game Results In Hundreds Dead

in Food/Drink/Politics by

By: Ross Childs WASHINGTON, DC—During the President’s State Of The Union address, millions of Americans gathered for the annual SOTU drinking game, where participants take a shot every time the president takes credit for someone else’s accomplishment, doubles down on a ridiculous campaign promise, attempts to shift blame, or engages in a number of predicted behavioral patterns – anyone of which was guaranteed to get anyone playing positively schnacklered. This year, however, a Chicago resident named Clarb Blorfgrin decided to add a new rule: take a shot every time someone in attendance looks like they’re “over it.” Within 20 minutes…

Keep Reading

Papa John CEO Still Following Peyton Manning, Others Around Despite Firing

in Business/Celebrity/Food/Drink/Sports by

By: Andy Frye DENVER, CO — It’s been a rough go for former Papa John’s former CEO John H. Schnatter. Months after being fired by the company he founded in 1984,  the former executive has a lot of time on his hands. The word around both Corporate America and the National Football League is that Schnatter has been following some of his former company’s pitchmen. “John’s a great guy, we go way back,” says J.J. Watt, a four-time NFL All-Pro defensive end with the Houston Texas. Watt said he’s seen Schnatter a bunch of times walking outside NRG Stadium, his…

Keep Reading

1 2 3 10
Go to Top