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Lecherous Advice

Aliens, Yup, I’m Probably One Of Them

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LECHEROUS ADVICE Dear Lech: I’m worried that I may not belong on this planet. Will I ever fit in? –Alone Living In Essentially Nothingness Dear ALIEN: I’ve spent much of my life, from elementary school days, looking and wondering what else is there to this world. Magic, Alchemy, Physics, Telepathy, and you betcha Aliens from other planets. And why the hell not? No fool should believe we are all alone completely in this universe if one believes in statistical universal evolution. If you’re a believer in God, then maybe you answer this as we truly were and are special and only a…

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Gyms, They’re Not Just For Rats Anymore

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LECHEROUS ADVICE Dear Lech: I don’t feel like a gym person, but I want to get in shape. What do I do?  –Very Aggressive Girl In No Arena Dear VAGINA: Like most people, I sit on my machine/bench/what-have-you, and try not to stare and judge all the others at the gym working out around me. But it’s hard. Just like at a casino, concert, farmer’s market, or used car lot; you just can’t help but stare at the other freaks who also think this is the right time to get into it and come to a place like this. The difference…

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The Grass Is Always Greener, But What If You Don’t Like Grass?

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LECHEROUS ADVICE Dear Lech, Is the grass always greener on the other side? –Allergic2Grass  As you drive around whatever town you’re living in currently, I assume you look around and overall try to find the interesting parts of the area, right? This is my way of going around that pesky question of am I a pessimist or optimist? As long as I look for what sticks out in my world, something that I haven’t quite seen before, the path that my stone is rolling on will accumulate all this muck and turn itself into a tyranasourus rex sized testicle of…

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Live Life With No Ragrets!

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LECHEROUS ADVICE Dear Lech, How can I live my life with less ragrets? -Regratful1 Ahh, the taste of spring is starting to tingle on our tongues. Soon it will be appropriate to take off our layers of clothing and walk freely with our un-airbrushed skin for all to judge. Self confidence and don’t-give-a-fuckness is important here. You may not be the sexiest thing on the planet, but if you own that shit, we’ll all be left slightly perplexed and intimidated. That brings me to one of my favorite subjects of study, the art of the tattoo. Lines of ink inserted…

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Dealing With The In-Law Family Tree

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LECHEROUS ADVICE Dear Lech, How do I deal with my in-laws? -MarriedWithParents There we all were sitting and staring at each other. Everyone knowing damn well that the only reason we are sharing this holiday dinner is because someone on the other side of the family loves someone else on the other side of the family. And now we all gotta deal with that shit. Sometimes it’s cool. Sometimes. Like the time when your drunk cousin decided to free climb a 20-foot city light post in his tuxedo during the wedding photo shoot and we all had a good laugh…

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Is It Crazy To Be Crazy?

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LECHEROUS ADVICE Dear Lech, Is it crazy to be crazy? -OuttaMyMind The bills are piling up. Copay after copay, out of pocket after out of pocket. Therapists, psychiatrists, counselors, and yes even the occasional rent-a-pet (even though I already have one but I don’t trust the judgy bitch). How the hell am I going to afford all this? Growing up I always admired the offbeat characters in literature, the zany sidekicks, and the nonsensical nihilists. Turns out though, in real life, it’s not cheap being crazy. Well, at least while still trying to play by the rules of society that…

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What Happened To Thinking For Yourself?

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LECHEROUS ADVICE  Dear Lech, What happened to thinking for yourself? -WakeUpAndThink So I’ve been thinking about this subject for awhile, but I just couldn’t do it. Turns out I don’t know what to write down because well, no one is telling what to write. I’ve been drinking the damn “.com” Kookaid for so long I don’t even know how to conjugate sentences most times. I just speak in memes and hope people follow along. When I was younger my brain was like Sir Edmund Hillary, ready to take on the challenge of climbing Mt. Everest for the first time. Now I’m…

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