Donald Trump Tells World He Is Muslim

Jan. 24, 2016

Republican front runner and millionaire entrepreneur Donald Trump has said many things regarding Muslims during his campaign. He’s been labeled a xenophobe and a racist by those who disagree and a hero who isn’t afraid to speak his mind by his followers. One thing he’s never been called is a closet Muslim, which is what he told the world today.

This news doesn’t just come from out of left field, it comes from an entirely different arena built for a completely different sport. In his speech today he told supporters, “I’ve said many things during these hard times of political turmoil about Muslims. I don’t know if it has to do with my own self-loathing or some deep psychological issues I’m dealing with from my childhood, but I regret being so harsh. I am a Muslim. I’ve always been a Muslim. Praise Allah!” This comes only a day after he said he could shoot somebody and not lose any voters, something the old Trump might have seen as a terrorist threat coming from a Muslim such as himself. According to him, he has put those prejudices behind him.

This news could be one of two things. It could be a way for him to back peddle and make amends to the group he has made most upset with his statements and to realign voters to his cause. It could be that the guilt of lying about his identity this long finally got to him. Whatever the case, Trump has changed the focus of his campaign to only keeping Mexicans out, “…besides the ones who work for me illegally of course, that’s just bad business”. He added, “And after this 8 years of Obama, we don’t have time for any more bad business!” Trump went on to say he is also a socialist and hopes to sway voters from that “old ass Bernie Sanders” (evidenced by the hammer and sickle lapel pin he is pictured with above).

Following suit, Ted Cruz hopes to gain the woman vote back, in spite of his track record of voting against women’s rights and constantly saying things that offended women of every political party the world over, by getting a sex change. Cruz hopes that the sex change will distract voters from the fact that he was born in Canada the same way that “Bruce, I mean, Caitlyn Jenner’s sex change distracted Glamour magazine from the fact that woman of the year should go to someone without a penis”. Only time will tell whether or not these tactics will work. In the GOP, it’s still anybody’s race.