Decline In Playboy Subscriptions Suggests Men Have Been Lying

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Jan. 27, 2016

After announcing that they would no longer be publishing nude photos of women in their magazine, Playboy has seen a 75% decline in their subscription sales. This trend suggests that men who say they “just read it for the articles” have been lying all these years.

The change is partly due to shifting views on the sexualization of women and partly due to the fact that Internet porn has taken over as the nation’s favorite masturbatory medium. The fact remains, men have spoken and they’re saying that without the nudity, there just isn’t much left but lining for a birdcage or kindling for a bonfire.

Jason Jones, who had a subscription to the magazine for over 20 years commented, “I never really read the articles. Sure I’d tell my wife that and flip to them whenever she looked my way, but I wouldn’t read them. Hell, I’d be surprised if your readers were even still reading the article you’re interviewing me for now.”

If for some reason the business plan becomes viable, PornHub has announced they will follow suit and narrow their categories down to two: cuddling and handholding.