Texas High School Eliminates Science From Curriculum

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Jan. 14, 2016

Arlington, TX

A school board measure at Texas High School passed this week that will effectively end science from being taught as a core subject. Parents, students, and educators all supported the cut.

“There was just too much curriculum in that subject that contradicted the existence of God. We couldn’t in good conscience continue to teach lies like that to innocent children,” remarked Ellen Goodman, 24 year educator and mother of three.

Cuts like these are not new at Texas High School. In 1997 the history books were substituted with Bibles. In 2009 the school also said goodbye to music, art, theater, and any other subject that was deemed a risk for turning students gay. The school’s principal remarked, “As of now, our students are learning English, math, and PE. Our PTA will vote on whether or not the poetry unit of English class is too gay to teach and will consider cutting that subject as well.”

Senior Tommy Mathis, captain of the football team and homecoming king, commented, “People with a personal preference for poetic conventions like alliteration are actually at risk of becoming gay, according to my science project last year. Which blew. These underclassmen are lucky they don’t have to do those anymore.”

Despite efforts to instill both love and fear for God, the school’s teen pregnancy rate remains one of the highest in the country.