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Local Boy Fairly Certain “Uncle” Joe Actually Just Nailing His Mom

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12/17/2016 By: Maximilian Stolte A young boy by the name of Alan Richards has recently had an epiphany that will likely change the way he looks at everything in his life from this point on. He has a sneaking suspicion that his mother has been deceiving him, not just about Santa Clause or saying he is special and can grow up to be anything he wants either. No, Alan’s mother’s deception goes much deeper than that. The man Alan has affectionately called “Uncle Joe” is no more than a suitor knocking upon his mother’s door and ringing upon his mother’s bell. The…

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5th Grader Breaks Up With Tinder Girlfriend He Never Met Through Text

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12/12/2016 By: Ben Gauwitz A central Illinois 5th grader has just broken up with a girl he never met this week on social media. Word Brothel reporters were able to catch up with Jerid Daring in his hometown of Chillicothe, IL to see what caused this irrational decision. Daring has been the focus of a lot of attention in his small town after dating the hottest girl in his class, as well as the class above him in a span of just one month. When asked if he will also pursue the hottest girl in the grade below him, Mr. Daring…

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Are Pacifiers Leading Infants Down a Dangerous Path?

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  By: Maximilian Stolte 11/17/2016 Pacifiers provide a sense of comfort for infants and appeal to their instinct to suck, but what are the ramifications? Many parents use them to sooth their crying babies and help them go to sleep, but what mothers are finding is that they are causing more and more babies to fall into a dangerous lifestyle: rave culture. This has led to what some are calling the infant ecstasy epidemic of 2016. Amy Osbourne, mother of two from Austin, Texas, is creating a movement of mothers against pacifiers in order to quell this outbreak of infantile…

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10 Zoo Animals That Should Have Been Shot Instead Of Cincinnati Gorilla

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May 31, 2016 The internet has been rushed with opinion about the fatal shooting of Harambe the silverback gorilla of the Cincinnati Zoo. Whether you believe that the gorilla was a benign caretaker for an otherwise neglected child or that the insane murder monkey was put down justly, we can all agree that these animals should definitely have been shot instead.     10. Anaconda Clearly an anaconda would have been a better death. First of all, they’re spooky and slimy, which is totally gross. Besides that, they can eat people and even animals bigger than themselves. That’s impressive and…

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Drunk Man Beats Record Time On “Cruis’n World”, Convinced He’s Okay To Drive

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Apr. 5, 2016 A Tuscaloosa man by the name of Horace “Bubba” Greeley recently turned the local arcade game community on its head by beating the record time on every level of the popular game “Cruis’n World”. Not only did he break the record times by upwards of 3 seconds on each level, he did it all while he was shitfaced drunk. It was a normal Friday evening. Bubba and his chums were at The Wheelhouse Pub enjoying excess drink and various pub and arcade games. It was there that Bubba found his wheelhouse, arcade driving games. His precision in…

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