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Disney Movies Used To Be…Cartoons?

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By: Zack Peercy Okay, people. This may seem a little crazy, but the Word Brothel team did some digging and it turns out that that all of the Disney Movies we know and love (Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, The Jungle Book, Alice in Wonderland, the list goes on!) were all… cartoons? Like really old flat cartoons? From like the 80s or something? We’re all surprised too! I mean, when you think of Cinderella, obviously you think of Lily James. But apparently back in 1950, during the great depression or whatever, this random lady named Ilene Woods was the “voice”…

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5 Celebrity Beards To Ovulate All Over

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By: Josie Benedetti Winter is coming and so are we. Beards are back in season and as these sexy celebs cover their baby faces, we’re uncovering our deep biological need to have their babies! John Krasinski’s scruffy look from ‘A Quiet Place’ is making us scream! Nothing says ‘stable father figure’ like a man who can rock an Eddie Bauer sweater and tend to a quaint post-apocalyptic farm, plus you know he’ll stick around to make you breakfast in the morning! I, for one, will take these eggs with a side of fresh, hot sperm!   They say the human…

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Marvel Already Announcing Stan Lee Reboot

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By: Darren D. Daly Unwilling to let a franchise die, even in the midst of Stan Lee’s passing, Walt Disney subsidiary, Marvel Studios, has made a major announcement about the future of its biggest moneymaker. Rather than taking a minute to mourn, they have instead released a teaser poster for the reboot of the beloved creator of such iconic characters as Spider-Man, The Hulk, and Mr. Candelabra. Working under the title Stan Lee: Again, indie movie writer/director Bo Burnham has already penned the first draft of Lee that producers are predicting will be the year’s best source of money. President…

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Doctor Strange’s Cloak To Be First Openly Gay Character In Marvel Cinematic Universe

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By: Allie Rubin LOS ANGELES, CA—Marvel Studios is further whetting fans’ appetites for the currently untitled fourth Avengers movie by promising that the film will feature the franchise’s first openly gay character: Dr. Strange’s cloak. “We previously assumed that gay people only liked musicals and Timothée Chalamet films,” confessed Kevin Feige, president of Marvel Studios, at a recent press conference. “However, new market research has revealed that homosexuals do indeed like all kinds of movies. As such, we are delighted to announce that the next Avengers film will feature Dr. Strange’s cloak as the MCU’s first openly gay character.” “For…

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President Clearly Never Seen A Single Episode Of VeggieTales

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By: Nicholas Scutti WASHINGTON, D.C.—At FaithCon, an interfaith convention in the nation’s capital, ministers, rabbis, and imams, among others, gathered to discuss President Donald Trump’s ethics and values, if he had any. After hours of debate, the members of the convention made a radical conclusion: that President Trump has clearly never seen a single episode of VeggieTales. “It makes a lot of sense when you think about it,” said Cardinal Christopher Jones, Vice President of the convention. “VeggieTales teaches us how to love and care for one another. It’s a well known fact that former president Jimmy Carter only started…

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New MoviePass Terms Mandate Polygraph, Urine Tests After Each Showing

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By: Jake Dierksheide NEW YORK, NY—In another controversial move, MoviePass updated their terms of service again on Monday. According to the press release from CEO Mitch Lowe: effective immediately all MoviePass users will be required to sit down for a 38-question interrogation while wired to a lie detector, as well as ship samples of blood and urine to MoviePass Headquarters for analysis. The company, which offers near-unlimited free movies to users for the price of one half of one movie a month, has been hemorrhaging money since striking mainstream popularity last fall. “I’ve finally cracked it!’ exclaimed a disheveled and…

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Movie Explosions Form Union After Unfair Treatment From Michael Bay

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By: Ross Childs HOLLYWOOD, CA—After a series of shocking accusations of mistreatment and unfair pay were levied against Michael Bay, several movie explosions have formed a union to hopefully get the famed director to agree to more equitable conditions. Bay employs hundreds, if not thousands, of Hollywood’s most notable fiery explosions, but even the hardest working boom-booms have turned out in support. “It’s a crying shame,” Demolition Dale, one of the gas truck explosions from Bad Boys 2 said in a recent comment, “folks try to downplay our roles as ‘flash in the pan,’ but we literally blow our asses…

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Justice At Last: The Weinstein Company Is Changing All Of Harvey Weinstein’s Producing Credits To ‘Farty McMasturbator’

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By: Jason Elewski Just as the they are about to file for bankruptcy and free anyone bound by a non-disclosure agreement regarding their once virile founder, Harvey Weinstein, the Weinstein Company is taking one more act of penance to correct years of wrong-doing. After unwittingly ruining the lives and careers of any woman whose vocabulary included the word “no”, the Weinstein Company has decided to clear the slate of their tainted history and replace all of Harvey Weinstein’s producing credits with the name Farty McMasturbator, simultaneously shaming Mr. Weinstein and allowing viewers to watch their favorite flicks, unimpeded by the…

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