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Roseanne Barr To Reprise Racist ‘Character’ At Thanksgivings This Week

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By: Andy Frye The once-embattled 1980s comedienne Roseanne Barr is about to make a name for herself again. Hoping to capitalize on America’s rising family drama trends, and the very popular “Trump supporter relative” stock role at Thanksgiving last year, Barr has decided to embark on a nationwide tour this week to bring her controversial brand of humor directly to your family’s dinner table. Barr announced the tour this week, stating publicly, “C U at dinner, bitches!” while calling herself “Aunt Ambien” and “Tofurky liberals’ worst nightmare” via her Twitter account. Ms. Barr’s agent, Anson Heedler, says that former star…

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Best Of Johnny Carson DVD Box Set Infomercial Tops Late Night Ratings

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By: Mike Anichini BURBANK, CA—There’s a new king of late night, baby. Nielsen ratings for the week of Nov. 12th reveal the paid advertisement featuring the ‘Best Of The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson’ DVD box set surged to the top in viewership, beating Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers and others.   “It’s hard, he’s still the king,” said Colbert. “This infomercial snuck up on us, but it rules.” Ticking up from its previous 0.51 to a 0.53 rating in adults 18-49, the long-running Time Life ad has captured a new audience in younger millennials ages 18-26.…

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Marvel Already Announcing Stan Lee Reboot

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By: Darren D. Daly Unwilling to let a franchise die, even in the midst of Stan Lee’s passing, Walt Disney subsidiary, Marvel Studios, has made a major announcement about the future of its biggest moneymaker. Rather than taking a minute to mourn, they have instead released a teaser poster for the reboot of the beloved creator of such iconic characters as Spider-Man, The Hulk, and Mr. Candelabra. Working under the title Stan Lee: Again, indie movie writer/director Bo Burnham has already penned the first draft of Lee that producers are predicting will be the year’s best source of money. President…

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Guy Singing Meatloaf At Karaoke Might Actually Be Meatloaf

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By: Jack Hutsey EDWARDSVILLE, IL—Chatters Bar and Grill in Edwardsville, IL has been the home of “Conceal and Karaoke” Thursdays for the past eight years. Patrons run the gamut of typical karaoke songs from Whitney Houston to Journey to Taylor Swift to the occasional Radiohead (Jeremiah Wheatley absolutely slays Paranoid Android). This past Thursday, the Chatters crowd was served with something categorically different. “Some guy was up there. He did a decent job with ​Paradise by the Dashboard Light​,” Ann Krankenheit said, who usually sticks to falsetto Beyonce. “But then he just stayed up there.” The mystery singer sang five…

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Fearless Council Of Male Comedians Forgive Louis C.K.

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By: Allie Rubin A group of brave, handsome male comedians convened a press conference following Louis C.K.’s surprise stand-up set at the Comedy Cellar on Monday to announce that they had finally deemed the comedian, 50, worthy of their forgiveness. “Too long has the world been deprived of Louis C.K.’s unique voice,” announced Josh Robertson, 28, who performs on the all-male Chicago indie improv team ‘Prostitots.’ “We believe that Louis’s nine months spent traveling in Europe have been adequate punishment for his minor indiscretions. We have carefully considered the situation and are thrilled to announce, on behalf of all male…

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Real Men Love Jesus, This Is Jesus

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By: Devin Nevers There are countless ways to discern what makes a guy a real man. Metrics like bench pressing, muskiness, and ball size are some of the easiest ways to separate the authentic from the fraudulent. But even if a guy with gigantic testicles comes strutting into your home gym and pulls  200 pounds of resistance weight on your Bowflex, it’s still quite possible that he isn’t a REAL man. The only way to tell if a dude is the real deal for sure is if he loves Jesus. It’s just a fact, real men love Jesus. They’re just…

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Obituary: FACE, The Original Host Of Nick Jr., Dead At 51

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Dutifully written by: Patrick Webb The on-air mascot was found dead in his studio apartment in Van Nuys of an apparent, accidental overdose. Born and raised in Orlando, FL, FACE struggled as a working actor through the late 80’s and early 90’s doing the occasional regional theatre until booking his dream roll as the “face” of Nick Jr. in 1994. He starred in over 400 on-air promotions for the network until 2004 when he left the company to try to break into film. After losing the role of the titular lead in the 2008 film Hancock to Will Smith, FACE…

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Which Paul Stanley Side Project Are You? [QUIZ]

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[quiz-cat id=”53062″]  

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Movie Explosions Form Union After Unfair Treatment From Michael Bay

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By: Ross Childs HOLLYWOOD, CA—After a series of shocking accusations of mistreatment and unfair pay were levied against Michael Bay, several movie explosions have formed a union to hopefully get the famed director to agree to more equitable conditions. Bay employs hundreds, if not thousands, of Hollywood’s most notable fiery explosions, but even the hardest working boom-booms have turned out in support. “It’s a crying shame,” Demolition Dale, one of the gas truck explosions from Bad Boys 2 said in a recent comment, “folks try to downplay our roles as ‘flash in the pan,’ but we literally blow our asses…

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Lindsey Vonn Fears Dancing With The Stars In Her Future

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By: Mike Maxwell Pyeongchang, South Korea – The world just witnessed the swan song of arguably one of the best skiers of all time, Lindsey Vonn. At the sad but true age of thirty three, her Olympic career is over. It’s a bittersweet time for the legend as she gave it all on the slopes experiencing championships, broken bones, and even a footnote relationship with Tiger Woods. Vonn currently stands with the highest Super Ranking of any skier and has confirmed her competitive skiing career is over. Now what? The road ahead for sports legends has a few paths to…

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