House Hunters Hold Pro 3rd Amendment Rally

House Hunters Hold Pro 3rd Amendment Rally

By: Homer Wright

PALM SPRINGS, CA—Taking to the streets and leaving their houses at home, House Hunters hosts and fans are protesting the government’s perceived advances on our 3rd amendment rights. As our homes become our only refuge during this pandemic era, protestors say we need to protect our rights now more than ever.

“For those of you who didn’t pay attention in social studies or think that our civil liberties should be taken away just because they’re nearly 250 years old, listen up! The right to keep soldiers from quartering in our homes in times of war or peace without our consent is here to stay!” House Hunters host Suzanne Whang shouted to a packed crowd of homeowners. Disregarding social distancing guidelines in a confusing show of resistance, many people privileged enough to own homes are abandoning them in order to show they mean business.

“They want us to stay in our homes. What’s next? Let the 5th Infantry sleep in my guest room?” season 15 House Hunter Alexa Friedenhaus inquired reporters with paranoid fervor. “That room is for invited guests that I trust around my family while we’re sleeping. The guest house? Maybe if they asked politely and didn’t stay too long.”

At the rally, apartment renter and House Hunters fan Tamara Owsley told reporters, “I have a small place as it is. It feels crowded when my boyfriend comes over. Now add a platoon of foul mouthed marines and an angry lieutenant general and how am I even supposed to move?”

While most progressives believe this amendment is outdated and doesn’t apply to today, protesters believe that [house] hunters need the 3rd amendment to protect their way of life. 

In yet another example that goes to show you only have to be angry to protest, these freedom fighters are proving that even the enfranchised are staring down the barrel of the government’s anti-freedom cannon. Whether this stops the government from taking away rights or they never planned on taking them away in the first place, one thing is certain: this protest may be unnecessary, but at least it’s stupid. 

Word Brothel