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Phish

Music Festival Lineup Confused For Grocery List

By: Maximilian Stolte AUSTIN, TX—Local newlywed and avid concert attendee Matthew Puhr went to his neighborhood Save-A-Lot yesterday morning to provide sustenance to himself and his beautiful bride Alice. Armed with his new joint account debit card and what he thought was a grocery list from under a magnet on his fridge, he was ready to complete his first errand as a husband. It was only after several blank stares from employees that he realized he had mistaken a music festival lineup for his grocery list. “At first I thought it was kind of funny that Alice had put such… … Keep Reading

Entertainment/Music

Kasvot Växt Inducted Into Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame

By: Maximilian Stolte CLEVELAND, OH—After decades of living only in obscurity, Scandinavian prog rock band Kasvot Växt has earned their rightful place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Their recent surge in popularity can be credited partly to Phish, who covered their album (to the best of their ability) on Halloween in Las Vegas. However, it was sampling of and references to their songs in Kanye West, Ariana Grande, and Post Malone tracks that catapulted the band to becoming a household name in recent years. For Lincolnville, Maine selectman and muumuu wearing percussionist Jon Fishman, this was a… … Keep Reading

Entertainment/Music/Sports

Phish Plays 27 Minute National Anthem At Boston Red Sox Game

By: Maximilian Stolte BOSTON, MA—Yesterday the Red Sox played the Angels and Phish phans everywhere rejoiced as the band was in attendance to watch the team and perform their rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner”, or for newbs to the music scene, “The National Anthem”. The crowd was both perplexed and upset when the cover of this beloved song not only included heavy improvisation on guitar, a 3 minute drum solo, an a cappella section, and the use of a vacuum cleaner as an instrument, but also lasted 27 minutes. Music and baseball fans alike agreed that the jam band… … Keep Reading

Entertainment/Local/Music

Family Plans Vacation Same Weekend As String Cheese Incident In Town A-Fucking-Gain

By: Maximilian Stolte ATLANTA, GA—This spring, as countless families flee south for vacation to escape the cold winds of the north, one family in particular was looking forward to a little site seeing, rest and relaxation. What was waiting for the Watts family was anything but relaxing. For the third vacation in a row, the Wattses booked their hotel in close proximity to a String Cheese Incident show. James Watts, father, golfer, and CPA, says he could tell before even checking in to the hotel that yet another relaxing stay would be ruined. “I could smell the marijuana in the… … Keep Reading

Health/Music

Gateway Concert: Dave Matthews Band Could Lead Your Children To Dangerous Bands Like Phish

By: Maximilian Stolte CHICAGO, IL—American rock band Dave Matthews Band, or as attendees of their seemingly benign concerts call them, “DMB”, is gearing up for their summer tour and once again unexpecting children will be exposed to the seeds of concert-going. On the surface, their concert events appear to allow fans to revisit nostalgic radio rock performed live by a wavering-voiced Dave Matthews. Below the surface and behind the clouds of one-hitter smoke lies something more sinister: a gateway to dangerous, life ruining jam bands like Phish or, heaven forbid, Dead and Company. Dave Matthews Band themselves aren’t entirely malevolent.… … Keep Reading

Celebrity/Music/Social

The REAL Reason Mike Gordon Wore Blue Lipstick Sunday Will Bring You To Tears

7/18/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte This past weekend Phish finished a spectacular three night run in Chicago at Northerly Island. Bassist Mike Gordon, who is becoming well known for his fashion choices, made a statement by wearing blue lipstick during the show. While some people speculated the reasoning behind this choice, it wasn’t until today that he told the world the actual motive: to be an ally and show support for all of the fans who have fished out on nitrous before and after shows. The patented blue lip look is one we have all seen sported on lot after someone… … Keep Reading

Local/Music

Guy Who Slept Rent-Free On Your Couch All Winter Attending All 13 MSG Phish Shows

4/11/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte This summer, as Phish prepares to play a baker’s dozen at Madison Square Garden, your jobless “roommate” is gearing up for a great time in New York. He’s overcome the obstacle of his joblessness and procured tickets to all of the shows. The only question is, will he have any extras for you to repay you for your kindness? Born Benjamin Washington, he is now known by various aliases in the jam band community. Whether he’s “Dirt Nap”, “K-Hole Ben”, or “Lil Scabies”, one thing remains certain: he slept on your couch and he owes you… … Keep Reading

Music/Social

Plenty of Phish Dating Site Is Making Waves

Mar. 19, 2016 The online dating scene is becoming much more intuitive and Plenty of Phish is the ultimate testament to this. There is now a dating site for phans by phans; the new site has definitely made a splash in the lot scene. PoP matches users using a highly effective algorithm based on the things that matter most. Some sample questions are: Dip, dump, or boof? 1.0, 2.0, or 3.0? If we ran into Page after the show would you be down for a sad threesome? As one would imagine, the male to female ratio on the site is… … Keep Reading

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