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music festival

Music Festival Lineup Confused For Grocery List

By: Maximilian Stolte AUSTIN, TX—Local newlywed and avid concert attendee Matthew Puhr went to his neighborhood Save-A-Lot yesterday morning to provide sustenance to himself and his beautiful bride Alice. Armed with his new joint account debit card and what he thought was a grocery list from under a magnet on his fridge, he was ready to complete his first errand as a husband. It was only after several blank stares from employees that he realized he had mistaken a music festival lineup for his grocery list. “At first I thought it was kind of funny that Alice had put such… … Keep Reading


Mom Texting Son At Lollapalooza Doesn’t Know How To Interpret ‘I’m on LSD’

8/6/2017 By: Jason Elewski CHICAGO—Parents whose teens are attending Lollapalooza this weekend know a thing or two about keeping it real, but at least one local mom forgot to take her chill pill before letting her son attend the music fest. Despite the reassuring notion that hospitals are preparing for an influx of badass kids who have out-awesomed themselves this year, Lauren Wilkinson can’t stop being a stick in the mud after receiving at text update from her son, which stated that he was “on LSD”. Lauren felt at ease for a moment, assuming that her baby boy was heading… … Keep Reading


Family Plans Camping Trip To Front Row Of Pitchfork Stage

7/14/2017 By: Jason Elewski CHICAGO—It’s a time-honored tradition to sit your ass in front of the stage of your favorite headliner for the duration of an entire day at a summer music festival. It separates the fans from the super fans. Ready for the onstage reunion of LCD Soundsystem, super-duper fans, John and Ellen Strauss, aren’t leaving anything to chance this summer when it comes to seeing their favorite band perform. Fearing the possibility of standing in the back row with common casual fans, they have decided to pack up their two children and head 5 miles south for a… … Keep Reading


Was The Grateful Dead’s Music Influenced By Drugs? Shocking New Evidence Suggests Yes

6/20/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte Over 50 years ago, rock and roll innovators The Grateful Dead stepped on to the scene and, through improvisational jams and heavy touring, changed the music industry as we knew it. Once lauded as the most wholesome and family friendly band of their time, shocking new evidence shows that their music may have been influenced by the use of illegal drugs. While other bands and musicians were openly involved in drug culture, The Grateful Dead was all about the music. Rather than some after effect of heavy drug use, their music was the product of ideals… … Keep Reading


7 Tattoos That People Immediately Regretted

We all make mistakes in our teenage years and well into our twenties, but usually those mistakes don’t last forever. Well when you decide to immortalize those mistakes through ink on your skin, they can last a lifetime. Here’s a list of people who definitely regret their decisions. 7. Foot tattoos can be cute and fun. They’re easy to cover up for jobs, which this person can’t seem to hold on to. Maybe it’s all the unlistenably shitty dubstep she likes to play in the kitchen or her inability to keep from blowing half the staff at every restaurant that… … Keep Reading


Widespread Panic Tour Sponsored By Viagra: Response To Whiskey/Coke Dick Epidemic

Jun. 2, 2016 For the past 30 years, Southern rock jam band Widespread Panic has toured the country and played sold out shows to fans ranging from drug induced hippies to whiskey fueled rednecks. In the wake of their shows they leave good times, memories, and a trail of drug and alcohol related erectile dysfunction the likes of which the jam band scene has yet to see. Armed with this knowledge, Pfizer has decided to sponsor the band’s upcoming tour and will be passing out Viagra samples outside of every show in every city. The drugs of choice for Spreadnecks… … Keep Reading

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