Ghosts Who Died On Vacation Finally Have Hotel Room To Themselves
By: Pat Rick Suazie
NEW ORLEANS, LA—Nearly 80% of hotel rooms are now empty across the US. While stepdad’s yield their weekends, affairs are put on hold and business trips now consist of moving from the living room to the bathroom, the hotel rooms the living once occupied finally belong to the ghost children and World War 1 soldiers that inhabit them. Hotel ghosts are finally enjoying the vacation they were looking forward to right before their untimely death.
Beauregard Hamilton was mutilated in an alligator wrestling accident in 1874 on vacation in New Orleans. While having a real touch and go recovery in his hotel room, his fate was finally sealed and his spirit forced to haunt room 204 for all eternity. “I do declare, my vacation was ruined and thus inn has been well occupied for over a century. I never did get to fornicate with my mistress in this room, but a housekeeping lady left that dang ‘ol telyvision on, so’s once that Ghost movie comes on the Turner Classics I’ll probably relieve my ghost nads for a spell.”
Hamilton’s situation is fairly common amongst spectral beings who perished on holiday. Without the daily tasks of misplacing guest’s room keys and changing the temperature so it’s always too cold or too hot, these motel apparitions have a lot of time on their hands.
After surviving the Titanic’s maiden (and final) voyage and making her way to America, Trudence Perrifeather wound up in a small tenement in New York which was later remodeled into a hotel. “I have never had a moment to me lonesome since me trip ‘cross the pond. Mefinks now that I have some peace and solitude I shall soak up all of the American culture I can. I do say, the outlets are quite different!”
Even celebrity ghosts are finally finding the time to enjoy their luxury suites without the fans booking them up to stay in the same bed or bathe in the same tub that they died in. Whitney Houston has reportedly finished taking the relaxing bath she so wanted to enjoy and even lit and then ominously blew out candles for ambiance.
If it weren’t for the careful would-be vacationers that played it safe and stayed in their luxurious homes, or for the thoughtful hotel owners keeping the rooms empty and not offering them to homeless people to sleep in during a global pandemic, these ghosts would never have finished their well deserved vacations. Some of these phantoms passed on to the afterlife soon after their will had been done, but others had more difficult tasks to complete than a mere fun weekend before their souls could find peace.