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Are Pacifiers Leading Infants Down a Dangerous Path?

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  By: Maximilian Stolte 11/17/2016 Pacifiers provide a sense of comfort for infants and appeal to their instinct to suck, but what are the ramifications? Many parents use them to sooth their crying babies and help them go to sleep, but what mothers are finding is that they are causing more and more babies to fall into a dangerous lifestyle: rave culture. This has led to what some are calling the infant ecstasy epidemic of 2016. Amy Osbourne, mother of two from Austin, Texas, is creating a movement of mothers against pacifiers in order to quell this outbreak of infantile…

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7 Tattoos That People Immediately Regretted

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We all make mistakes in our teenage years and well into our twenties, but usually those mistakes don’t last forever. Well when you decide to immortalize those mistakes through ink on your skin, they can last a lifetime. Here’s a list of people who definitely regret their decisions. 7. Foot tattoos can be cute and fun. They’re easy to cover up for jobs, which this person can’t seem to hold on to. Maybe it’s all the unlistenably shitty dubstep she likes to play in the kitchen or her inability to keep from blowing half the staff at every restaurant that…

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Widespread Panic Tour Sponsored By Viagra: Response To Whiskey/Coke Dick Epidemic

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Jun. 2, 2016 For the past 30 years, Southern rock jam band Widespread Panic has toured the country and played sold out shows to fans ranging from drug induced hippies to whiskey fueled rednecks. In the wake of their shows they leave good times, memories, and a trail of drug and alcohol related erectile dysfunction the likes of which the jam band scene has yet to see. Armed with this knowledge, Pfizer has decided to sponsor the band’s upcoming tour and will be passing out Viagra samples outside of every show in every city. The drugs of choice for Spreadnecks…

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Kurt Cobain Killed By The Illuminati, Confirmed

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Apr. 6, 2016 Yesterday marked 22 years since the world lost beloved grunge musician, Kurt Cobain. Angst-fueled teens and 30-something-year-olds look back and remember his contributions to the world of music and culture, but with a knowledge that was heretofore unknown: that Kurt Cobain was killed by The Illuminati. When one thinks of “The Illuminati”, they generally think of a secretive shadow organization that rules the world and for some reason can’t stop killing black musicians and pop culture icons. This is not the same Illuminati that was responsible for the death of Kurt Cobain. The Illuminati is masked in…

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Plenty of Phish Dating Site Is Making Waves

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Mar. 19, 2016 The online dating scene is becoming much more intuitive and Plenty of Phish is the ultimate testament to this. There is now a dating site for phans by phans; the new site has definitely made a splash in the lot scene. PoP matches users using a highly effective algorithm based on the things that matter most. Some sample questions are: Dip, dump, or boof? 1.0, 2.0, or 3.0? If we ran into Page after the show would you be down for a sad threesome? As one would imagine, the male to female ratio on the site is…

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6 Internet Acronyms Coined By Historical Figures

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6. “FML” -Edgar Allan Poe That’s right, the American author EAP was the first to coin the term “FML” or Fuck My Life. Best known for his dark and depressing fiction and thought by many historians to have died by suicide, he actually sent this acronym for the first time by carrier pigeon to his dear friend Mortimer about a time that his cat knocked his inkwell onto a page of his poems. 5. “BRB” & “NVM” -Amelia Earhart  Besides her accomplishments in creating two widely used internet acronyms of the modern day, Amelia Earhart was also the first woman…

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