The CDC Reunites Medical Show Casts In Search Of COVID-19 Cure
By: Nick Coffman
ATLANTA, GA—In search of a cure for COVID-19, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reunited casts from House M.D, Scrubs, ER, M.A.S.H, and countless other medical procedures. After holding a small panel in their headquarters, the CDC hopes to crack the case in the coming weeks.
“Research was at a standstill,” Mark Thomas, a CDC researcher, stated Thursday. “With these actors, we bring in years of medical acting experience. We broke the travel policy for the panel, but with all these great minds in the same room, we can come to a solution.”
Hugh Laurie, Dr. Gregory House from House M.D, does not share Thomas’ optimism. “I don’t think these guys realize my amount of medical training is summed up in days,” Laurie professed. “I’ve played a space pilot, the Vice President, and Stuart Little’s adoptive father. I do raise mice children now, that was actually easier than Stuart Little let on, but I could never be a real life doctor.”
Zach Braff, Scrubs, was also in attendance. “It’s great to see John, Don, and Sarah again, but we have no idea what we’re doing in there,” Braff stated. “We’re honestly just talking about old on-set romances, and trying to re-enact our secret handshakes from the old days. I may pitch my latest Go Fund Me to everyone when I go back in. Would you like the link for your article?”
Doctors from shows still airing also made an appearance in the panel. Ellen Pompeo of Grey’s Anatomy offered little hope for the future. “I’ll be surprised if we see another season of the show. Oh, you were asking about society. Yeah I don’t know, but I need to get back in there. Alan Alda suggested a game of Red Rover, and I don’t want to miss that.”
“I was so starstruck,” The Good Doctor’s Freddie Highmore stated. “It’s like the TV doctor hall of fame in there. They’ve got Doogie “Friggin” Howser, Dr. Spaceman, they even got all thirteen Dr. Whos. I need to go back in and swap business cards with everyone”
TV doctor and actual doctor Ken Jeong has little hope for the panel. “I’ve already had to break up karaoke sessions of Imagine three times today,” Jeong admitted. “If I’m the most qualified person in there, we’re doomed.”
