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social media


Facebook Promises More Options For Interested Warmongers

By: Zachary Hacker MENLO PARK, CA—Today at a Facebook shareholders meeting, CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced new features to optimize the platform’s outreach. They have heard the cries of warmongers and extremists around the world, each one begging for ease of service and more support for their message. Facebook showcased three new features and promised, “We are here to help.” The first feature discussed was a way to streamline exactly what your [warmongers] target audience sees. Zuckerberg says that for genocidal maniacs to get the most out of their manifesto, you can take down those posts that offer alternative facts to… … Keep Reading


Sexual Predator Posting After 6 Month Hiatus Must Think Coast Clear

By: Madeleine Russell Chicago, IL—After being outed as a super-predator in November of last year, Dave Fisher disappeared from all social media, removed his website, and moved to an entirely different city. This seemed like an uncharacteristically wise choice from a man who had boldly molested women under the radar for the better part of his adult life. Chicagoans breathed a sigh of relief, anticipating a future void of his “no holds barred, tell it like it is” comedic internet presence. “We were just starting to recover from years of having access to his daily observations while he lived his… … Keep Reading


Exploitation Timeline: How To Use Your Kid’s Most Personal Moments To Boost Your Social Media Presence

By: Maximilian Stolte Having a child is one of the most life changing things a person experiences. There are no words to describe the love that one feels for their offspring. Having a baby will change your whole outlook on life as well as your approach to gaining attention on social media. It is important to remember that no moment in your child’s life is too personal to share with your followers and friends online. Once you learn to exploit these moments, your standings on social media will skyrocket. What some people don’t realize is that exploiting your baby for… … Keep Reading


Facebook Friend You Don’t Give A Shit About Marked Safe From National Disaster

By: Madeleine Russell Chicago, IL -Local social media user, Kyle Perry, known to his twitter followers as @BoneZone84, had just finished his commute when an unusual notification sound bellowed from his smart phone. “I thought maybe it was an Amber Alert,” remarked Perry in the moment. No doubt a harrowing, unfamiliar experience in a predictable electronic world. Upon closer inspection, Perry discovered that Josh Duvall had been “marked safe” on facebook in the recent fatal tragedy in San Antonio. More shocking was the realization that Perry was still facebook friends with Josh Duvall at all. Duvall had Perry had crossed… … Keep Reading


Man’s Family Held Hostage Until He Posted 10 Concerts He’s Seen And Made One of Them a Lie

5/2/2017 By: Jason Elewski BRECKSVILLE, OH—With the click of a button, a family was saved from a tragic fate. Dylan Haywood, 34, an avid opponent of all Facebook list games, woke up this past Wednesday to a devastating email with his morning coffee. “I just thought everyone was sleeping in, ya know, that is until I opened this weird message,” said Haywood via Twitter. The message in question turned out to be a ransom note from the still unknown assailants. Their demands? That Haywood participate in the Facebook trend in which people list ten bands that they have seen live… … Keep Reading


5th Grader Breaks Up With Tinder Girlfriend He Never Met Through Text

12/12/2016 By: Ben Gauwitz A central Illinois 5th grader has just broken up with a girl he never met this week on social media. Word Brothel reporters were able to catch up with Jerid Daring in his hometown of Chillicothe, IL to see what caused this irrational decision. Daring has been the focus of a lot of attention in his small town after dating the hottest girl in his class, as well as the class above him in a span of just one month. When asked if he will also pursue the hottest girl in the grade below him, Mr. Daring… … Keep Reading

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