Opinion: Time And Energy Spent Chastising Billionaires For Space Travel Could Also Be Spent Solving World Hunger, Hypocrites

By: Joff Besoz 

WASHINGTON D.C.—As billionaires complete their historic journeys to the edge of space, a backlash of bleeding hearts across America are asking, “Why not end world hunger?” Writing these accomplishments off as vanity projects doesn’t solve the problems we face on earth either. I, Joff Besoz, am a former journalist for the amazing Washington Post owned by a really cool guy. Although I’ve never met him, I heard Mr. Bezos has a totally normal penis and isn’t sad about his divorce. He’s actually thriving! So haters, back off!

What the crybabies don’t realize is all that time spent criticizing billionaire innovators could easily be spent doing years of fundraising and volunteering. It may not end world hunger and poverty, but it could help considerably. What do they expect? Mr. Bezos to just give away 1% of his wealth? Come on already!

Plus he’s not even that wealthy. Let’s put it this way, if he had been working since the beginning of time, 13.7 billion years ago, he would only be making about $13.75 a year! If he can live off of that then why can’t Amazon workers raise a family off of that much an hour? Because they’re lazy drone worker ants who should be lucky they have what that kind man chooses to give them!

Sorry if I come off as worked up, but this issue really gets to me. Nobody is sticking up for these billionaires, not even their wives who are supposed to love them until they die. We can go to space or make vaccines and that’s not enough to win their respect, much less their love and affection. I hope next time I go to space my rocket explodes. Maybe then my ex-wife will regret everything she said. I mean, all that stuff about Jeff Bezos. Not me. 

I bet all those people complaining about the space mission have bought stuff from Amazon. They paid for it if we want to get technical about it. Which we do. And we are. Stop blaming Mr. Bezos and start streaming Amazon Prime original shows. Also maybe say something nice about Jeff Bezos on social media from time to time. Alright I’m a little tired from space stuff—I mean journalist stuff. Time for a nap. 

Note to editor: please take out anything that makes it seem like I’m Jeff Bezos and replace it with stuff that makes it seem like the opposite of that.