Opinion: My Life Is QuiBi, My Life Is Over

By: Jon Ramsey

Vincent Van Gough.  Christine De Pizan.  Rick Moranis’ career.   When people hear these names, they associate them with innovation, genius, and being ahead of their time.  Also, they’re all dead.  Well, eight days ago, another angel grew its wings.  QuiBi, the streaming service that made content in small, quick bites closed its doors after only six months of operating.   And while some cynics will point out that QuiBi was doomed from the start, I know deep in my heart that it will be remembered and celebrated in the pantheon of good ideas. 

But today we are not here to mourn.  We are here to celebrate all the joys and triumphs that QuiBi made possible for only $5 a month ($8 if you don’t want to watch the advertisements).  Who can possibly forget the iconic shows that QuiBi offered us like Skrrt With Offset, Shape of Pasta, and Trailers by Fandango, literally a show that just plays movie trailers.  Trailers by Fandango finished in the top 30 best shows to watch on QuiBi.

While no one knows for certain what caused QuiBi to close, (I blame those hacks at Disney Plus with their aggressively low pricing and stupid shows longer than 9 minutes.  The Mandalorian?? Good luck) it was most likely a confluence of factors including an inability to grow its subscription base and the pandemic shutting down QuiBi’s target market.  Yes, it’s official; 2020 is NOW the worst year ever.  Sorry to take your crown, 1347!

A lot of people are asking me how they will go on now that all hope is lost.  And to them I say, fret not.  For there will always be a new and exciting way to watch your favorite shows and movies. Where QuiBi walked, now I am free to run. 

Sincerely,

Sling TV