Millennials Are Literally Killing Baby Boomers: A Look Inside Elderly Death Camps

in Business/Politics/Social by

8/14/2017

By: Maximilian Stolte

First it was the housing market, then malls, then fill in the blank market that millennials left in the bloody wake of their anti-corporation agenda. Holding none of the greatest generation’s values dear, these arrogant hipsters believe they are the future and baby boomers are a terrible relic from an ignorant era. It comes as no surprise that these flannel wearing scumbags have built death camps for the elderly and are extinguishing their lives.

“The baby boomers are responsible for all of the problems plaguing our generation,” Gabe Townsend told reporters outside the fences that keep the nation’s oldest citizens captive. “They ruined the environment, ruined healthcare, and ruined our government. In fact, we could afford healthcare for everyone if these old farts weren’t on so many medications paid for by the government, which is also full of old people if you haven’t checked lately,” Townsend remarked between kombucha sips.

The best estimates put the death toll in the thousands, but there is really no way to tell according to some baby boomers. “Some of our generation could be dragged away from their nursing homes and nobody would know because nobody bothers to call,” Agnes Abernathy reported. “I made bullets in WWII and now a bunch of kids who can’t change their own tires are going to decide I’m too old and weak to live? I’ll whip those little nancy boys silly!”

As the body count rises in what will someday be known as a war for the ages waged by the ageist, police are urging family members to step forward and inform them when they go missing. They also suggest just maybe calling and checking in from time to time. As long as the youth are euthanizing the old, nobody who remembers and enjoyed Matlock is safe.