We Made This Vegan Live With A Cow For A Week And By Friday He Was Ready To Eat It

in Health/Local by

6/6/2017

By: Maximilian Stolte

When we met Ollie Hendricks, what first occured to us was that he was vegan. We knew almost immediately because he was eating something and proclaimed, “It’s so good, AND it’s vegan. A lot of people think vegan food doesn’t taste as good, but they’re wrong.” He rambled on about it for longer than any of us had the patience to listen. At some point we caught him saying something about how poorly the meat industry treats cattle and thought, “Wouldn’t it be fun if we made this guy live with a cow for a week?” So, that’s what we did.

Originally, it just sounded like a fun idea to make Ollie live with a cow. Then it quickly became a social experiment for which even we couldn’t predict the outcome. The cow moved in Monday and by Friday Mr. “Animals Give Me a Boner” Hendricks was ready to cook and eat him!

“I just thought I loved cows and that they were intelligent and gentle creatures that needed my protection. Boy was I wrong,” Ollie told us after the week was over. While the bovine bunked with our friend, he complained of cow shit everywhere, her large body breaking many of his prized possessions, and an overall lack of stimulating conversation one would hope to share with an intellectual peer. “Honestly, cows are kind of dumb animals. I was like, I wouldn’t even mind using this cow for her milk. Then eventually I just hated the stupid thing and thought about what it would taste like,” Mr. Hendricks reported.

It was early Friday morning that our vegan friend “woke up hungry, and wondered what steak and eggs might taste like”. Not only did his hatred for this cow, and subsequently all cows, peak his interest in the taste of steak, his contempt for the animal extended to all farm animals. “Pig, cow, chicken, it doesn’t matter. They’re probably all equally terrible to live with and I honestly have no qualms with eating any of them anymore,” Ollie said on Saturday evening after killing and eating the cow that he had lived with for 6 days.