Nice! Adam Savage From Mythbusters Just Upgraded My Chances Of Dying Alone From ‘Busted’ To ‘Plausible!’
By: Simon Tessmer
Yes! After updating his experiments and taking COVID-19 into account, Adam Savage from Mythbusters has finally upgraded my chances of dying alone from ‘busted’ to ‘plausible!’ He made clever use of crash test dummies and ballistic gelatin to get me the result I wanted, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Getting ‘busted’ last season was clearly an error! I’ve always known I had a good chance of passing away without loved ones by my side, and now science confirms it. Thank god for corona and the Discovery Channel!
My favorite part was when Adam Savage from Mythbusters stood behind a blast shield while activating my simulated hospice care. He even used a pig corpse to mimic my body composition!
What a cool guy.
I’d so much rather die alone because I’m what you normies might call a ‘lone wolf.’ Social norms suck ass and I don’t conform to your ‘expectations’ on ‘long term relationships,’ romantic or otherwise! Solitude rocks, and if I ever had a girlfriend or whatever I’d honestly freaking puke.
That’s why I’m stoked that Adam Savage from Mythbusters gerry rigged an elaborate contraption out of a high powered airsoft gun and also visited coronavirus.illinois.gov to confirm that my chances of kicking the bucket solo style are pretty high!
This whole situation is rad as hell.
Adam Savage from Mythbusters is freaking awesome. He uses real science and wears hilarious t-shirts that say “I Reject Your Reality and Substitute My Own!” Who else does that? Not my lame-ass Dad, that’s for sure.
Well guess what, Pops. Just because I’m 27 and haven’t moved out yet does not mean you can control my life and stop me from constantly talking about how cool it would be to die alone. I’m my own man, Jeff!
Thank you, Sir Adam Savage from Mythbusters. I worship at the altar of science and you are my deity (at least you would be if I wasn’t a freaking atheist lol). Because of you I’m psyched to the nines for my future and will be pumping my fist while I drift into the abyss 🤙