Congress Passes Trickle Down Medicaid
By: Charley Arksey
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The House of Representatives adjourned early Friday morning after passing the Health Care Trickle-Down Act with 434 in favor and one opposed. The one opposed was reportedly “new to politics.”
“I think this is a great bill that will finally kill our healthcare crisis,” said Rep. Lucifer Douglass, explaining the bill, “The top one percecnt of one percent get free healthcare. Then, that one percent passes their healthcare down to the one percent below them. Then, that one percent passes it to the next 93 percent.”
The bill lays out 53 trickle-down tactics for medical coverage, including, sharing your half used insulin shot, doubling up on wheelchairs, and ambulance carpooling.
“Trickle down healthcare is an excellent way to share healthy tips,” said Douglass, “Don’t be greedy during your trauma therapy, start a Facebook Live so we all can heal.” He also suggested it’s a great way to give back to the community. “If you’re coughing up blood, try coughing on someone who needs blood.”
Douglass went on to explain how the prescription drug coverage works. “It’s very simple. If you need medicine, let’s say beta blockers, all you need to do is sign up ten friends. Then they need to sign up their ten friends and so on. Think of it as a multi-leveled health care pyramid. Plus, if you sign up 100 of your friends, you get this Wile E Coyote Xanax Pez Dispenser.”
At time of press, Rep. Douglass was medevaced for an emergency caviar enema and pubic hair perm. The cost to the taxpayers was estimated to be 500,000-750,000 dollars.