Blues Musician’s Now Prospering Life Threatens Career
By: Blues Travelblogger
NEW ORLEANS, LA—Local musician “Old, Blind, Diabetic” Darren Jackson has had his fair share of woes in his 65 years of life. Born with a rare bone condition to a single mother on a farm, he had to work his tiny hands to the even tinier bones to keep his mother and 16 siblings fed. Then he had to train those undersized and brittle bones to play guitar so he could accompany his sorrowful anecdotes in a powerful symphony we call the blues. Despite having his wife of 25 years leave him for his best friend, losing his children to every disease kids can get, and being diagnosed with diabetes that made him go blind, things have been on the upswing for “Old, Blind, Diabetic” Jackson.
The unfortunate case of good fortune befell Jackson when he hopped on the dating app Seeking Arrangements thinking it was a way for blues lyricists to link up with composers. Much to his surprise, he matched with a beautiful young woman who became the love of his life. She now monitors his diabetes, his finances, and takes care of his seeing eye hound. Couple that with his winning lawsuit against the record label that screwed him out of all of his intellectual property and its a recipe for disaster for a blues artist.
Even longtime fans have found his latest attempts such as They Put Ketchup On My McDouble (When I Asked Them Not To) and My Favorite Podcast Stopped Releasing New Episodes unlistenable. With nothing to keep this old man sad and depressed, his career may have hit a dead end.
We reached out to Jackson to see if he would care to comment, but he was busy blasting air horns in his ears in an attempt to deafen himself and bring back the blues. It is this reporter’s opinion that nothing would be more sad for that old man than losing the sense that brings him the most joy. The selflessness that it takes to voluntarily and permanently injure yourself for the entertainment of others will earn him the status of legend alongside geniuses like Steve-O and Johnny Knoxville. I for one cannot wait to hear the saddest, shittiest sounding song that’s ever been made, played by the boniest old man I’ve ever laid eyes on.