Ashley Tisdale Shows Off Chic Murder Dungeon/Brunch Nook In Latest Live Stream
By: Ross Childs
HOLLYWOOD, CA—During isolation, many people are keeping themselves entertained with celebrities giving us glimpses into their incredible lives. One of the most actively streaming celebrities right now is Ashley Tisdale, who last week taught the world how to make a quiche from scratch. Due to a high demand for more live-streamed content, the High School Musical star was gracious enough to give us all a tour of her new chic, fashion-forward, sexy murder dungeon/brunch nook.
She started her Instagram live story with a dramatic reveal of the gothic-inspired entryway into the room, complete with skull-adorned buttresses flanked by gaslit sconces made from hand-stretched kidneys.
Heading inside, the actress-turned-singer described the dungeon as she walked down the dimly lit, tastefully blood-spattered staircase. “It was a challenge, I had to hire so many different contractors because, as soon as one was finished, I had to kill him. I didn’t want anyone knowing about this until it was done-done and those contractors looked like talkers. But enough about them – let me show y’all the space!”
Tisdale started with a tour of the small kitchenette area, complete with razor sharp ginsu knives, silk-lined dish towels, and a walk-in freezer, currently occupied by noted missing FedEx driver, Donald Craggers. “Sometimes, Ashley lotions my wrists around the zip ties! She has the softest hands!” Donald was happy to have the exposure. Tisdale gave him some raw sturgeon heads and moved on to what the former Disney Channel star referred to as “The Entertainment Crevasse”.
“When you have guests over, it is important to keep them entertained. Otherwise, they’ll associate you with boredom,” said Tisdale while tying off the stump of a mutilated 2020 census taker. The man appeared motionless in the livestream until the Scary Movie 5 star activated a defibrillator and forced the armless, legless man back to life. The bloody stump of a human being had this to say: “Keep your guests stimulated! That’s the key to any good party!” He started eating from a tube before the Disney starlet moved to the next room.
“Finally, I’ve saved the best for last: The Rumpus Room.” Tisdale paraded her device around a room swathed with rich mahogany, giant flat screens, inverted crosses, and severed human butts just everywhere. She showed a close up of one of the lonely posteriors. “See? RUMP-us Room! Get it?” The pun was worth a chuckle. She proceeded to show off the human hamhocks one by one. “This one’s from a gardener who screwed up my carnations. This one’s from a Fiverr person who built me a bad shelf. Ooh! This one was from a hater who dissed Sharpay online. And this one was from a guy I dated a few years back. He didn’t do anything to upset me – he just had a really nice ass!”
She ended the tour with a mimosa toast. “So long, my friends! And remember: the more hearts you eat, the more power you absorb! Cheers, and Blood for the Blood God!” Before tuning out, several desiccated bodies began dancing to We’re All In This Together from the High School Musical soundtrack. We’re just grateful she didn’t sing Imagine.