7 Lonely Cats Whose Owners Found Valentine’s Dates This Year

7 Lonely Cats Whose Owners Found Valentine’s Dates This Year

When your cat is used to spending every Valentine’s Day with you, finding a date for once in your depressing life can really put stress on your beloved feline friend.


7. Fluffers

Meet Fluffers, he is used to spending February 14th with his owner Vanessa, watching her cry into a bowl of ice cream while watching Love Actually for the 20th time since Christmas. This year Vanessa left Fluffers for a date and he repaid her by scratching up her sofa.

6. Mimsy

This little guy is in a bit of a slump this V-Day since his tradition of watching his owner Jackie text all of her ex-boyfriends and one-night-stands in desperate hopes of finding a date was ruined. Generally, she opts out of the holiday hubbub for a date with Mimsy and R2 (her vibrator). This year, one desperate man answered and now Mimsy is all alone. Poor kitty.

5. Shnookums

Awwwww….Shnookums doesn’t know what to do with himself tonight. Ever since Clara abandoned him and their yearly ritual of scream crying “Dave” and burning old pictures, Shnookums has just lost his will to do anything…except mark his territory on her carpet.

4. Terry

Yeah, you know that feeling all too well. Your owner completely blows you off for a date on the day of old St. Valentine. Well who needs her anyways? Not Terry. If she doesn’t want to  dress you up like a man and try to force you to sit at a candlelit dinner table this year, then she can take her chances with Jeff. Hope you like coming home to a bed full of cat puke.

3. Meowzers

He can’t eat. He can’t sleep. Nothing will replace watching Jessica order thai food again in her pajamas and act way too friendly to the delivery boy. He’s working Jessica, of course he doesn’t have time to come in and stay a while.

2. Whiskers

Whiskers has had it. This is the second year in a row that Andrea isn’t going to be using his company as a deterrent for thinking about her biological clock and the fact that she only has a few years to find a man and have babies if that’s what she wants to do with her life.

1. Droopy

Droopy, oh Droopy. We feel for you. Usually you get to see the hilarity that is Miranda posting her “I don’t need a man, Valentine’s Day is just a holiday made up by the greeting card and candy companies” Facebook status while simultaneously chugging a bottle of wine and staring at a bottle of prescription pills, contemplating the futility of life, but not this year. Miranda is out with some guy she found on a dating app. Don’t worry, he’ll see how crazy she is and you can celebrate on February 15th this year.

Just kidding. Cats are heartless, emotionless monsters that only care about themselves. Go have yourselves a ball in honor of St. Valentine, the patron saint of premarital sex.

Word Brothel