With Site Down, Facebook Users Resort To Yelling At Neighbors About Meaningless Bullshit
Social media user’s worldwide have found themselves restless and ready to unload every unfiltered thought on an unsuspecting stranger. The cathartic release of arguing with loved ones, acquaintances, and strangers online cannot be gained through Facebook or Instagram today as their servers are down. Returning to the pre-information era, the neighbors of the world are setting down their phones, stepping outside, and yelling about some bullshit to their neighbors.
It’s just like the good old days. Residential areas are returning to the day where people sat on the porch, kids played in the streets, and the angry shouts of neighbors arguing whether vaccines work or if the female senator in their state is a total bitch or not. Once again, people you haven’t talked to since high school are going door to door with multi-level marketing opportunities, the way that God intended. People worldwide are rejecting modernity and embracing tradition by stalking their ex-lovers in person, sending letters in the mail to sexy women with Polaroids of their penis, and wishing each other a happy birthday via phone call or text.
From Main Street to Country Road, every amateur philosopher and political scientist is back on the big stage, sharing ideas that could change and shape future generations for hundreds of years. “Black Lives Matter and Antifa are terrorists. They want all Americans dead! Starting with everyone on this block!” shouted Dwayne Adler. “Police are the real terrorists! Except you Dave, you’re cool! Please don’t kill my dog,” was the response heard from his catty-corner neighbor Marissa Johnson.
Children are drawing memes in sidewalk chalk, aunts are driving 30 minutes to tell nephews how handsome they are in person, and FarmVille players are thinking about planting some real seeds in their yards. The world is upside down and lost without social media giants Instagram and Facebook to distract them from living in the real world. We can only pray that the servers return to working condition before everyone realizes how much better their lives are.
