White People, Stop Tanning! You’re Appropriating Culture In The Worst Way

May 12, 2016

It happens every year. The sun comes out from its winter slumber and the Caucasian masses creep from their comfortable homes into the light and begin their assault on other cultures. Whether it be tanning in a bed and risking cancer or lying in the sun’s hot rays, white people will not stop until they appropriate the skin color of others.

Now I know what you may be thinking: “Isn’t that natural? Doesn’t white people skin change tones throughout the year?” My answer to that is it doesn’t have to. By not wearing sunscreen, you are making a conscious decision to appropriate culture. Leading social justice advocates agree that by wearing SPF 75-100, you can prevent this disturbing practice from affecting your life in any negative way. If you work outside, you may consider clothing that blocks you from the sun or even carrying an umbrella. Carrying an umbrella to shield you from the sun is very much a part of white culture.

If you see an evil melanin deprived whitey soaking up the sun (I’m looking at you Sheryl Crow) there are a couple of things you can do. First try telling them that what they are doing is offensive to you and all POC. If that doesn’t work, simply stand between them and the sun. Their ancestors took everything they could on the Earth, so why should they deserve the benefits of celestial bodies as well? They shouldn’t.

Remember, even the most simple things that you take for granted could be offensive to somebody. So tread lightly; especially if you tread whitely.