When This Scientist Couldn’t Find A Cure For Cancer She Found A Way To Give It To Everyone Who Didn’t Have It

in Health/Science by

By: Maximilian Stolte

ATLANTA, GA—Early this morning at her laboratory downtown, cancer researcher Maria Martinez was working tirelessly towards finding a cure for a disease which claims the lives of roughly 8 million people a year. While many others in her field gave up hope on finding a cure, Martinez made a groundbreaking discovery that changed the hearts and minds of everyone in her field. If she couldn’t find a cure for the disease, she very well could find a way to give it to everyone who didn’t have it.

As any cancer patient can tell you, the treatment of the disease is expensive and takes a toll on their mental and physical health. What’s more difficult than the treatments is the feeling that it’s only happening to you. It can be a lonely and depressing experience as family members are saddened by your declining state of health.

“I felt like I had one foot in the grave and everybody just didn’t act the same around me. It was like I was in a fishbowl and everyone was just watching me, waiting for the inevitable to happen. When I found out that everyone would have cancer now, it really cheered me up and made me feel not so alone,” Patrick Munday told reporters from his hospital bed. “Now that everyone is going to have cancer, I feel like society will be more understanding and compassionate.”

The governor of Georgia has taken the first bold steps towards equality for cancer patients by sitting down with the EPA to discuss distributing the cancer causing serum by means of air and water throughout the state. His hope is that when other states see how efficient and effective the serum is, the policy of giving all citizens cancer will be implemented nationwide.