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3 Endgame Spoilers To Really Get Things Heated In The Bedroom

By: Josie Benedetti CHICAGO, IL—Things are about to get heated! You saw Endgame yesterday and your boyfriend can’t go until Monday! These spoilers are so vague, you’ll leave him squirming on the floor, drenched in sweat, begging you to “PLEASE, for the love of God, stop! This isn’t fun for me! PLEASE!”   Stan Lee Makes a Cameo! Uh-oh, you’ve been a naughty girl! Everybody knows Stan Lee always makes a cameo in every one of the Avenger movies but by even mentioning it you’ll have your man’s veins bulging out of his head! Really get him going right by… … Keep Reading


5 Celebrity Beards To Ovulate All Over

By: Josie Benedetti Winter is coming and so are we. Beards are back in season and as these sexy celebs cover their baby faces, we’re uncovering our deep biological need to have their babies! John Krasinski’s scruffy look from ‘A Quiet Place’ is making us scream! Nothing says ‘stable father figure’ like a man who can rock an Eddie Bauer sweater and tend to a quaint post-apocalyptic farm, plus you know he’ll stick around to make you breakfast in the morning! I, for one, will take these eggs with a side of fresh, hot sperm!   They say the human… … Keep Reading


Firefighters Call For Body Positive Calendar

By: Josie Benedetti NEW YORK, NY—Firefighters across the country are on strike this week calling for a body positive calendar for the 2019/2020 calendar year. The nationwide strike has left city blocks burned to the ground, countless adorable kittens stuck helpless in nearby trees, and even talk of the wildly popular second Grey’s Anatomy spinoff “Station 19” in danger of not being brought back for a third season. Most disheartening of all is not the lack of identifiable bones from the piles which now line the streets but the lack of lady boners which have left piles of dry panties… … Keep Reading


Hot Singles In Your Area Cease Ineffective Ad Campaign

By: Zack Peercy YOUR AREA, USA—You’ve seen it in the top right corner of your browser while you watch “Step Sis Catches You Watching Porn”. It’s popped up after you’ve skipped around “Gaping Anal Compilation”. You may have even noticed it in your youth while playing “Sailor Moon Dress Up Flash Game” on Newgrounds.com. It’s the Hot Singles In Your Area ad campaign, and soon you won’t be able to see it pop up ever again. It’s a sad day for the internet, but even more sad for real local singles who wanted nothing more than to meet you and… … Keep Reading


Sexy Vampires: The Original Woke Misogynists

10/28/2017 By: Jason Elewski Imagine you have found the perfect match on your favorite dating app: Pale, dark hair, and almost a reddish tint in his eyes. So you try to set up a lunch date, but he insists on meeting at night. Normally this would set off alarms, but his profile says he devoured Virginia Wolf and his pic boasts a set of bitchin’ abs, but not deliberately like most guys, so you decide to meet up. You agree on a bar that’s hip, but not too loud, because he really wants to “have a dialogue” with you. Your… … Keep Reading

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