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god

Local

Person On Acid Mistakes Message From Higher Power For Mere Coincidence

By: Ellis D. Trippington SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Late last night or early this morning, depending on how you view the social construct that is time, local hippie Doug Sherman was in the throes of an intense psychedelic experience under the influence of LSD. Amidst the barrage of visual distortions, he was bombarded with epiphanies about the world around him and the interconnectivity of all living things. His first inclination was that a higher power was reaching out and teaching him valuable life lessons, but these were all immediately written off as coincidences by Sherman. “All of the sudden I started noticing… … Keep Reading

Politics

God Answers Thoughts And Prayers, Takes Away Everyone’s Guns

By: Maximilian Stolte HEAVEN—After the nation’s most recent school shooting, our heavenly father was flooded with prayers and the minds of everyone in America were clouded with thoughts on the tragedy. God, who has been busy the past 200 or so years with a passion project of his own, checked back in on Earth and was disgusted to find out about slavery, the Holocaust, and most recently children shooting each other in schools and most of the country not caring enough to do anything. “I leave for what I thought would just be a little vacation and when I come… … Keep Reading

Local

Judge Has No Choice, Lets Murder Suspect With “Only God Can Judge Me” Tattoo Walk

6/10/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte BIRMINGHAM, AL—Early this morning, following a lengthy trial before a jury of his peers, murder suspect Mark Coleman was found not guilty of all charges related to the murder of Jessica Barrington. Despite irrefutable evidence that Coleman was the murderer, during the closing remarks, information was introduced that would blow a giant hole in this case: Coleman has a tattoo that says “Only God Can Judge Me” on his forehead. On the final day of the trial, Coleman removed his signature baseball cap to reveal his tat. Judge Harrison Sharp was at a loss for words… … Keep Reading

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