By: Maximilian Stolte
SEATTLE, WA– A local nursing home, Providence Mount St. Vincent, added a daycare for children in order to lively up the spirits of the elderly and basically force them to take care of and play with these kids for free. When you have kids and old folks together in the same place, you’d probably bet that one of the elderly residents would die before one of the toddlers, but you’d be wrong.
The operation was otherwise successful. The octogenarians enjoyed the company of children to young to notice how they smelled, the children enjoyed playing with old people, and the parents enjoyed the free daycare. Some games they played were “Guess Who Pooped Themselves”, “Who Can Take The Longest Nap”, and many more that the caretakers came up with to make their jobs easier and pass the time. Luckily for them, they didn’t decide to take bets on who would die first, because there would have been a lot of upset gamblers.
A funeral service will be held for Timmy this Saturday at Newman’s Funeral Home. This funeral home will also be used for any of the other residents of Providence Mount St. Vincent who perish between the date of this publication and Timmy’s service as the two have a business agreement to refer grieving widows to one in exchange for funeral service recommendations for the other.