Pfizer Adds Penicillin To Vaccine In Anticipation Of Post-Pandemic Fuck Fest

Pfizer Adds Penicillin To Vaccine In Anticipation Of Post-Pandemic Fuck Fest

By: Art Ickle

ENTIRE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA—Setting the pace for innovation in the market, Pfizer’s vaccine is now a 2-in-1 covid-19 vaccine and dose of penicillin. Their research team predicted a forecast of fucking so filthy that the next few months could introduce up to 15 new strains of chlamydia and gonorrhea into the sexually active population. Thankfully for us all, this company cares.

Experts are saying that the sloppy porking that is going to occur after 70% of the world is vaccinated will be unlike anything we’ve ever seen in terms of shameless disgusting no-strings-attached debauchery. “Gay dudes will be eating pussy, lesbians sucking down dongs, even the most aggressively hetero men will be getting their trunks stuffed like a Subaru at a farmer’s market,” predicts science guy Dr. Anthony Fauci. “The reckless abandon that will ensue during this post-covid fuckstravaganza hasn’t been seen since covid-19 reached America and the 400-some-odd days that followed.”

The vaccine requires two shots and representatives from Pfizer and the CDC have suggested that orgies with less than 10 people are safe enough as long as most of participants have received the first dose of the vaccine. Like half or something. It was hard to hear or understand them because they were 88ing, which is like 69ing where you eat each other’s assholes instead of the front parts, creating an ouroboros of rimming pleasure. 

As bars open the world over and social distancing regulations become more relaxed, a year’s worth of pent up horniness is finally being released. When asked what she is looking forward to most about the end of the pandemic, local single woman Erica Barns told reporters, “What are you doing, like, after this? Is that microphone waterproof? Wanna see what my cervix sounds like?” 

The effects of post-pandemic pounding have already been felt by this reporter and will likely be felt at the Diamond Dungeon later tonight by this same reporter. 

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