By: Ben Gauwitz
CHICAGO, IL—A woman was arrested this week on child endangerment charges after her baby was born exhibiting a near fatal dependence on technology. Angela Thompson, a technology addict herself, is being held without bond by the Chicago Police Department. This is the first known case of negligent parenting in which the mother directly passed the dependence onto the offspring in utero. Thompson, a resident of the Gold Coast neighborhood of Chicago, has been in custody since last weekend.
Ms. Thompson’s child, whose name has not been released, is currently on an adapted form of life support that covers her crib in TV screens and computer monitors. A team of doctors have been working around the clock to reduce dosages and wean the child off of technology enough that she may function without it. Fortunately for the child, the hospital had streaming services, video games, and a library of podcasts downloaded and at the ready. A miniature Fit Bit was designed to monitor her vitals.
As for Ms. Thompson, sources say she’s been pretty unresponsive. “At first I thought it was post-partum depression, but I think it’s actually because she doesn’t have a charger for her devices,” said a guard at the jail. When pressed for comment, Ms. Thompson’s court appointed lawyer said she has not been well for some time and he believes she honestly forgot she was pregnant since she has lost access to all photos of her baby bumps and pregnancy photos. “This is a sick person and she needs to be treated as such. A jail or prison sentence will not fix this problem.”
Ms. Thompson did eventually release a statement through her attorney. She said simply, “Please, respect me and my family’s privacy at this time- no spoilers for Game of Thrones.”