Mom Says ‘No Thank You Brayden’ To 6-Year-Old Pissing On Whole Foods Floor

CHICAGO, IL—Yesterday around noon, local mother Kayleigh Smith was in the soups and broths aisle of her local Whole Foods when her son Brayden, 6, removed his boyish penis from his pants and expelled the contents of his bladder all over the floors and some of the lower shelves. Distant shoppers at either end of the aisle witnessed a master class in parenting when his mother looked at him sternly and politely said, “No thank you Brayden!” 

Brayden did finish his stream, but his punishment corrected the behavior because he didn’t paint the floor with piss again until they got home. Brayden’s mom has read several books on modern parenting and even gone as far as commenting, “Amen! I wish all moms were like us!” in a like-minded Facebook Parenting group. 

“Sometimes the polite approach doesn’t work as well as it did in the Whole Foods. Sometimes I have to disconnect my credit card from Brayden’s phone games so he has to beat the levels to earn gems. It’s just as a good as a time out and teaches him the value of a dollar too,” Smith said while failing to notice Brayden drawing a crude picture of a duck farting on the wall in crayon. 

Brayden’s at home behavior indefinitely has overlap with his school behavior. His teacher, Mrs. Carrington, isn’t entirely sure that this parenting approach is yielding the desired results. “The kid is a piss fountain. There’s no easy way to put it. If it’s not on the story time carpet or the class hydrangeas, it’s in his own mouth. If I were his mother I’d be more stern with him.”

Where and where Brayden urinates next is anyone’s guess. His mother Kayleigh isn’t worried though, as she stated, “It is completely normal for a kid to be curious and explore their body until they’re 12 or even 13 sometimes. I’m a proud mom and-Brayden, no thank you. Shit, he got into the matches again.”