God Accidentally Leaks Earth Remake

By: Nick Coffman

In a shocking turn of divine events, God has leaked the existence of Earth Remake, a reimagining of his earliest work. Created billions of years ago, Earth has long been rumored to be getting the sequel or successor treatment, but never a remake. The Almighty let the third rock reboot slip in a Tweet that has since been deleted. 

“Well the cat’s out of the bag I suppose,” God boomed when we reached out for comments.

God further lamented his desire to return to the blue sphere. 

“I was a young rebellious being during that first [EARTH]. I cut corners and eye-balled a few things I should have spent more time measuring. I thought about starting over with Mars or Pluto, but honestly, it’s just easier for me to give Earth another stab.”

Fans of EARTH have been vocal about the numerous problems that plague the planet: global warming, world hunger, and social media influencers to name a few. Patch after patch promised to fix issues, but with each patch, a new batch of issues sprung up. 

“Patching seven days of work is tough. You cure the bubonic plague, and smallpox pops up. You stop a massive earthquake and a massive tsunami sweeps in out of nowhere,” God boomed, creating a thunderstorm.

His biggest regrets, “I’d say it’s a tie between human genocide and goblin sharks.”
No word on when we can expect Earth Remake but God swears he’ll take more than seven days this time around.