Final Pro-Trump Hold Outs Bail After He Takes Credit For Worse-Than-Death Mind Control Bill Gates Pedophile Poison Shot

By: Q. Anne Onn

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Donald Trump took a break from shouting about how he won the election to announce some rather troubling news for people who are still on the president’s team. Trump fans across small parts of the nation find themselves peeling stickers and taking down yard flags tonight as the president announced that a vaccine has been approved by the FDA. They, like many other warriors online, know “approved by the FDA” is fancy liberal elite talk for “funded by George Soros and Bill Gates to control my mind and turn me into a goddamn pedophile liberal robot!” As our last hope to fight these evil rich men turned out to be just another sell out, us true patriots will prevail!

I spoke with a guy I found on Parlor who had been kicked off of Twitter, like anyone who truly loves this country and isn’t a goddamn terrorist commie bastard. He said, “Yo man the initial shot makes you ok with pedophilia. Like you’ll just be all ‘whatever if it happens it happens’ at first. But then the booster shot will make you actually become full pedo. My friend I met on BASEment, the app for true patriots who got kicked off Parlor, said his uncle took a trial shot of that stuff and now he has a TikTok account and watches kids twerking all day.”

Don’t get me started on Pfizer. Those guys couldn’t even make a pill that makes my husband’s penis hard, now they think they can cure a Chinese invented hoax flu that isn’t even real, but also is? My ass.

I found out by digging a little deeper online that this thing is even worse than anything you’ve read so far. An anonymous poster on a message board for fans of the 1996 film Fargo posted, “When Bill Gates isn’t eating baby brains or ignoring the cries of the people getting cancer at a landfill he owns in St. Louis (real, look up Atomic Homefront on HBO), he’s up to some seriously bad shit. His goal is basically to make it so everyone thinks X-Box is superior to Playstation. Oh and I guess he wants everyone to be pedophile zombies that eat the brains of their victims and live in sexual servitude to him for all their days.”

Donald Trump if you’re reading this, and I know you are because I’m emailing it to you as soon as I’m done writing it, you lost a lot of loyal followers today. No longer will we put up with your dangerous lies. This was the final straw. With this betrayal you will find yourself alone. Fuck off forever and don’t even think about running in 2024 because YOU LOST! Whoa it feels good to say out loud. I don’t have to pretend anymore. You lost dickweed!