Each Episode Of ‘Fuller House’ You Watch Shaves 25-36 Minutes Off Your Life Study Shows

By: Rick Jarlson

A new study released this week by biologists at Stanford University have some dire implications for fans of the television reboot Fuller House. The study found that viewers of the show could be cutting their life shorter by as much as 36 minutes per episode watched. That’s as much as eating a hot dog or doing a bump of cocaine and listening to your friend’s idea for an invention at a party. 

It turns out that an episode of Fuller House is time spent that science has not found a way to compensate for. There are no vitamins or supplements that can give you back the precious moments of life that were squandered watching grown up fictional characters D.J. Tanner and Kimmy Gibbler argue over parenting techniques. While it may be satisfying to see children from your childhood become parents and deal with the struggles, it could lead to an early grave.

Other television shows such as Downton Abbey can take up to 44 minutes off the viewer’s life if it is on broadcast television, while Netflix and other streaming services original programming can take up to an hour. Conversely, shows such as Breaking Bad can add 50 minutes to your life. The study suggests that if you watch Breaking Bad enough times you can live forever. But since it takes about 44 minutes to watch, you’d have to spend eternity watching the show to achieve this. Which doesn’t sound so bad.

A similar study about movies, coming this fall, could be bad news for people who wanted to live longer. The Zack Snyder director’s cut of Justice League might take up to a year off of your life every time you watch. Next time you have the remote in your hand, think about whether you want to see your children become parents or if you really want to see Ben Affleck do a shitty Batman performance.