Daughter’s New Boyfriend Ruins Annual Family Photo, Again

By: Jennifer Allman

MARIETTA, GA–“Who is that again?” “Is that someone’s neighbor?” “What on earth is he wearing?” It’s these questions Julia Kramer was determined to avoid as she organized her 14 immediate and extended family members into a tasteful composition for their annual Thanksgiving photo. Ms. Kramer intentionally handed her iPhone 4s to Thunder (her daughter, Trisha’s, new boyfriend).

“I sure as heck am not going to have a repeat of last-year’s incident,” Ms. Kramer told us. “Not this year, no-sirree, no new boyfriend of Trisha’s is going to ruin our family photo!” she declared. Trisha Kramer has in fact, brought a new boyfriend home to Thanksgiving every year for the past 7 years. Each year, said boyfriends stood behind Trisha, foolishly grinning away as Julia Kramer scowled next to her daughter. Past photo-ruining boyfriends have included, Mikey the semi-pro skateboarder who posed with skateboard in hand, Llewyn the poet who couldn’t move his facial muscles by himself, Greggor the literal giant, Paulo who made everyone wear the matching hats he had knitted, Rascal who may or may not have been part-wolf, Bumpy the DJ, and one boyfriend who can only be identified as “The Cryer.”

But Trisha claims this year is different. She insists that Thunder (her boyfriend of 2 months) is the one. “We met feeding geese behind the Fox Creek golf course,” 26-year-old Trisha crooned. “I saw Thunder listening to a Johnny Cash cassette on his vintage Hello-Kitty walkman. He was sharing his Panera broccoli cheddar soup with those geese, and I just knew we were meant to be.”

As everyone found their place in two rows of family members, Julia latched on to her daughter, Trisha, and shouted at Thunder, “How nice of you to take the photo for us!” Thunder shrugged, “I could just set this on a self-timer, or you know what… hey, gang, let’s do this as a selfie.”