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5th Grader Breaks Up With Tinder Girlfriend He Never Met Through Text

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12/12/2016 By: Ben Gauwitz A central Illinois 5th grader has just broken up with a girl he never met this week on social media. Word Brothel reporters were able to catch up with Jerid Daring in his hometown of Chillicothe, IL to see what caused this irrational decision. Daring has been the focus of a lot of attention in his small town after dating the hottest girl in his class, as well as the class above him in a span of just one month. When asked if he will also pursue the hottest girl in the grade below him, Mr. Daring…

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These Photos of Mike Pence Reimagined as Different Types of Gay Men Are Stunning

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VP-elect Mike Pence is well known in the LGBT community and not for great reasons. Here are some beautiful renderings of what Pence might look like as different types of gay men and we think they are fabulous. Bear Pence: The carpet doesn’t match the drapes on this muscular love machine! Jock Pence: This bad boy looks like he’s ready to whip America into shape over the next four years. Show Queen Pence: Politics can be a drag sometimes, but never before like this. Gorgeous! Chub Pence: More cushion for the pushin on this Mike, but he needs to work…

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VP-elect Mike Pence’s Review of “Hamilton”

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Word Brothel Theater Review Exclusive By: Mike Pence 11/19/2016 To say that my breath was taken away would be the understatement of the century. Hamilton was a brilliant retelling of an important time in our nation’s history, but told through a modern style with a diverse cast. In the current political climate it is more important than ever for these voices to be heard and I truly felt like I was experiencing something monumental. I’ve long been a fan of Broadway and musicals. I rank this right up there with Rent, The Color Purple, and anything written by Stephen Sondheim.…

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10 Engagement Photos That Look Like Expressionist Paintings

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By: Jason Elewski 11/19/2016 Everyone can agree that engagement photos are one of the most beloved visual art forms of the modern era. Whether they’re shot in the town park, the town park’s gazebo, or even the old railroad tracks near the town park, we can’t help but indulge in the love that couples share on our Facebook feeds. Though every engagement photo is objectively beautiful, some are so stunning that we almost can’t believe a famous painter didn’t create them.     They wanted to appear as if they spent a lot of time lying on the grass. It…

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Are Pacifiers Leading Infants Down a Dangerous Path?

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  By: Maximilian Stolte 11/17/2016 Pacifiers provide a sense of comfort for infants and appeal to their instinct to suck, but what are the ramifications? Many parents use them to sooth their crying babies and help them go to sleep, but what mothers are finding is that they are causing more and more babies to fall into a dangerous lifestyle: rave culture. This has led to what some are calling the infant ecstasy epidemic of 2016. Amy Osbourne, mother of two from Austin, Texas, is creating a movement of mothers against pacifiers in order to quell this outbreak of infantile…

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A Voice of Rationality! Creator of ‘Barack O’Hitler’ Meme Calls for Peaceful Transfer of Power

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11/12/2016 The nation has fallen into turmoil following the results of the US general election on November 8. In trying times like these, social media almost always finds a source of optimism to lighten our collective mood. Last month, we found solace in the amiable crimson sweater of Kenneth Bone. Today, a new hero was born. At 4:19am, Craig Douglas took to Facebook in a plea for the peaceful transference of power. Douglas, a bank teller by day, is known best for his creation of the widely disseminated image depicting Barack Obama as some sort of Hitler-Demon. In his plea,…

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7 Tattoos That People Immediately Regretted

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We all make mistakes in our teenage years and well into our twenties, but usually those mistakes don’t last forever. Well when you decide to immortalize those mistakes through ink on your skin, they can last a lifetime. Here’s a list of people who definitely regret their decisions. 7. Foot tattoos can be cute and fun. They’re easy to cover up for jobs, which this person can’t seem to hold on to. Maybe it’s all the unlistenably shitty dubstep she likes to play in the kitchen or her inability to keep from blowing half the staff at every restaurant that…

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10 Zoo Animals That Should Have Been Shot Instead Of Cincinnati Gorilla

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May 31, 2016 The internet has been rushed with opinion about the fatal shooting of Harambe the silverback gorilla of the Cincinnati Zoo. Whether you believe that the gorilla was a benign caretaker for an otherwise neglected child or that the insane murder monkey was put down justly, we can all agree that these animals should definitely have been shot instead.     10. Anaconda Clearly an anaconda would have been a better death. First of all, they’re spooky and slimy, which is totally gross. Besides that, they can eat people and even animals bigger than themselves. That’s impressive and…

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White People, Stop Tanning! You’re Appropriating Culture In The Worst Way

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May 12, 2016 It happens every year. The sun comes out from its winter slumber and the Caucasian masses creep from their comfortable homes into the light and begin their assault on other cultures. Whether it be tanning in a bed and risking cancer or lying in the sun’s hot rays, white people will not stop until they appropriate the skin color of others. Now I know what you may be thinking: “Isn’t that natural? Doesn’t white people skin change tones throughout the year?” My answer to that is it doesn’t have to. By not wearing sunscreen, you are making…

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Plenty of Phish Dating Site Is Making Waves

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Mar. 19, 2016 The online dating scene is becoming much more intuitive and Plenty of Phish is the ultimate testament to this. There is now a dating site for phans by phans; the new site has definitely made a splash in the lot scene. PoP matches users using a highly effective algorithm based on the things that matter most. Some sample questions are: Dip, dump, or boof? 1.0, 2.0, or 3.0? If we ran into Page after the show would you be down for a sad threesome? As one would imagine, the male to female ratio on the site is…

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