Alabama Senators Cock Their Guns And Lick Their Lips As Woman Hunting Season Approaches

in Health/Politics by

By: Josie Benedetti

Huntsville, Alabama—Senators across Alabama are cleaning their rifles in anticipation for the opening of Women Hunting Season which begins in October.  

The hunting season for women in Alabama is open for 3 months of the year beginning October 3rd and ending on December 3rd. The hunting season was put into effect to control women population in Alabama which have had a detrimental effect on the lives of many male residents there. The 9 month long off season allows women to become pregnant and give birth before the hunting season opens in the fall.

Larry Stutts, Alabama State Senator and avid woman hunter, says the law keeps the delicate Alabama ecosystem in check. “See, we need some women to have the babies and such, but if too many start popping up that can cause a lot of trouble for the fine people of Alabama. If these women get in the wrong places, that’s bad news for the fragile and delicate balance of the social class structure we have established here,” commented Stutts, his beady little eyes not blinking one time.

During the open season, there is no limit to the amount of woman Senators in Alabama are able to kill, permitted they have a woman hunting license granted by the state. Chris Elliott, Alabama State Senator and woman killing zealot, says that a permit is not hard to come by in the state of Alabama, as there have been so many issues with women in the past. “Not hard at all. Anybody can hunt a woman, just need to be a resident of Alabama, a white male, and pay the $10 dollars permit fee,” said Elliot, wiping the perspiration from his upper lip hairs. “Not hard at all.”

While the woman hunting season is only open for three months of the year, a Senator in Alabama may hunt up to 12 women a day in the off season, so long as the woman is not visibly pregnant, as that is seen as a felony within the state. “I’ve had a couple close calls and almost shot a pregnant woman,” Jim McClendon, Alabama State Senator and woman killer extraordinaire, reminisced, picking a hunk of unidentified flesh out of his front buck teeth, “but you don’t want to do that. A human life is a sacred thing. Women still have a place in society, for now, and besides what if that unborn baby was the next Alabama Senator!”

All in all, 2019 is looking to be one of the best women hunting seasons in decades— and not just in Alabama. Across the country, men are buying their permits early, oiling their guns, and watching the clock for hunting season.