By: Maximilian Stolte
San Fransisco, CA—Warm weather means outdoor activities are back for the summer and everyone is putting their skills on display for the public. At parks everywhere across America, amateur athletes and hobbyists are kicking balls, flying kites, and tossing frisbees with limited hand eye coordination. You certainly won’t see them on ESPN, but if you were at Golden Gate Park yesterday you saw the perfect storm of peer pressure and poor effort.
Around 3PM a group of five millennials picked a nice patch of grass to throw and catch a disc with each other. At first it seemed as if everyone was in perfect sync; the frisbee hadn’t touched the ground in several throws. That is until it was sent in the direction of one man (who we will call Dumb Hands) who didn’t seem to have practiced at all. Whether he was rusty from the off season or peer pressured by more experienced friends wouldn’t be clear until he retrieved the frisbee from the ground and attempted to toss it himself.
With absolutely wretched form, Dumb Hands released the round, flat toy and it became immediately clear that he doesn’t participate in this activity often. Sideways in the air and incredibly off target, the disc landed and rolled an embarrassing distance away from the circle of friends. Onlookers watched in amazement as he struggled in a similar fashion with every interaction with the frisbee. His involvement was both an embarrassment and a sight to behold.
Dumb Hands, a glutton for punishment, continued to wave his feeble appendages in the air signaling that he wished for the frisbee to be sent in his direction. Time after time his request was acknowledged and his skills showed no improvement. After one horrendous attempt at a catch, the frisbee rolled into an elderly woman’s ankle and she picked it up. She let the thing loose and followed through, hitting her intended target at chest level while keeping the disc parallel with the earth beneath her. After being invited to join the circle, Dumb Hands motioned to an empty water bottle and presumably said he was going to fill it up at the water station. He took this moment to disappear entirely from the situation with a perfectly executed Irish goodbye.