Man Offsets Girlfriend’s Ecological Footprint By Using 28-In-1 Hygiene Product

By: Karen Whitehead

EVANSTON, IL—Environmentalist and loving boyfriend Matt Bolin is saving planet Earth one bottle at a time by offsetting his girlfriend Becca’s plastic use. While Becca uses 28 bottles for one part of her body, her haircare regimen, Matt uses a new product that has 28 uses. 

Suave’s new 28-in-1 men’s hygiene product is the first shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, mouth wash, eye drop, ear wax cleaner, shaving cream, moisturizer, vitamin supplement, exfoliating cream, joint pain remedy, muscle relaxer, hair growth formula, testosterone enhancer, masturbation lubricant, WD-40 alternative, non-petroleum fuel source, cologne, steak marinade, dipping sauce, alcoholic beverage, antibiotic ointment, nail polish remover, nail polish, wart remover, eczema remedy, sports drink. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about my place on this planet and how I might be negatively impacting it. What kind of world do we want to leave for our kids? We haven’t talked about kids yet, but I think Becca is the one. We  might have kids and I don’t want them to have plastic in their drinking water,” Bolin told reporters while Becca was out shopping.

This relationship is but a microcosm of the perfect balance that the universe demands, karmic or otherwise. For example, Matt admittedly from time to time makes an insensitive joke at the expense of others and Becca will balance that out by being over-virtuous in a public setting and take social issues that have nothing to do with her and focus the attention on herself.

This man’s brave sacrifice should inspire us all to look at what our partners are doing and overcorrect in our own actions to achieve a perfect utopia. A heaven on Earth. Let’schallenge ourselves  be like this couple and be the change we want to see in the world.