Lack Of Time Travelers Suggests Worst Still To Come

By: Jan Présage

According to a new study by researchers from the National Institute for Temporal and Quantum Uncertainty, the conspicuous absence of time-travelers seeking to alter the timeline suggests that things will get much, much worse for humanity. The study, published in the January edition of The Grandfather Paradox Journal, theorizes that if nobody from the future seeked to alter the path of humanity from its current course, the future must be even worse than the present day.

“9/11, COVID, Quibi. Nobody has come back from the future to prevent these disasters from happening,” said Professor Ernest Wurmloch. “That should scare us all.”

Wurmloch fears that one day what remains of civilization will look back fondly on our current era.

“As much as 2020 felt like an oppressive, inescapable morass of plague, shit and misery, our research could not find evidence of a single temporal interloper. This would suggest that 2020 may, in fact, have been the best remaining year for humanity,” said Wurmloch. “If we don’t start seeing some time-travelers soon, we’re pretty well fucked.”

The report does not guarantee that the future will be as bad or worse than 2020, but according to Wurmloch, “They’re rebooting Sex and the City, so it doesn’t look good.”