Harrison Ford Refutes Unsolicited Dick Pic Allegations By Posting His Penis On Instagram And Folks They Couldn’t Look Any More Different

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Actor Harrison Ford, 79, was recently accused of sending pictures of his penis to unsuspecting victims. Many of the female targets of these malicious attacks on the sensory organs have said they are sure it was the guy who Played Han Solo in the original Star Wars. That is until this morning. 

Harrison Ford posted a series of photos to Instagram this morning with his face and penis visible. A side by side of the penis in question and Ford’s provided a stark contrast and seems to have vindicated Ford in the eyes of the public. 

Self proclaimed penis expert Katy Jacobs says, “Just look at the vein structure, one is the Tigris/Euphrates rivers while the other looks like a roadmap of downtown Des Moines. The head in question is bulbous whereas Ford’s is pointier like a spear. And don’t even get me started on girth.”

Ford’s own mother even weighed in, saying, “I used to change his diapers. I saw him drunkenly whip it out at a number of family functions since. I know his pecker like his butt cheeks know the back of my hand. That first pic is definitely not my son’s penis.”

Setting precedence in cases like these, which take place mostly in the court of public opinion, Instagram has allowed all men on their platform to vindicate themselves. For the next week all men who have been wrongly accused of sending unwanted dick pics are finally allowed to clear their name and post their actual penis to the public for all to see. In unrelated news, women who post their nipples may now face jail time.