Guy Who Always Wears Hat Seen Not Wearing Hat

By: Steve Plock

Chicago, IL – Workers at the TimeLock Call Center in Lincoln Park were shocked Monday morning. Long-time employee, Brent Youling, showed up at the office not wearing his signature Cubs baseball hat on his head, causing many employees to mistake him for a new hire or a stranger who had mistakenly wandered into the wrong office.

According to Greg Thompson, one of Youling’s cluster-mates, “He’s just one of those guys that you never see not wearing a hat, you know. I couldn’t help but think something was terribly wrong. My mind went to the worst places.”

Speculation has surrounded the true nature of Youling’s head shape and features for many months among employees at TimeLock. Premature balding, scars, or large moles were among the popular theories, but after today, the office’s theories are all put to rest.

“I was convinced that Brent was maybe in a jet-skiing accident once and just had a really prominent scar or something on top of his head, but no, his head is pretty normal looking,” said Youling’s supervisor, Alicia Stanhope. While Youling is admittedly a fan of jet-skiing and recreational water sports, his head has not been impacted or shaped by those activities in visible way.

When reached for a comment on his hat wearing habits, Youling replied, “I mean, I don’t always wear a hat. I didn’t wear a hat at my wedding last summer. And I barely wear a hat when I shower.”

Youling’s wife, Melissa, did confirm that after much negotiating and some conceding on her part, Brent agreed to not wear any headgear for his wedding last summer.

“I really wanted a band at our wedding, but I gave that up because I wanted to see my husband’s full head in our wedding photos. So, I got the photos I wanted and Brent got DJ Solo Cup,” said Melissa. “He got his frat-rock wedding dream, but I have the memory of the true shape of my husband’s head to cherish for the rest of my living years.”

While TimeLock does not have an official employee uniform, the company’s guidelines encourage their staff to be ‘clean, comfortable, and respectable,’ while at work.