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Shame: This Fetus Would’ve Been Subway’s Two-Billionth Customer If It Weren’t Aborted

By: Nicholas Anthony Scutti If you’re pro-life, get those tissues out and ready. It was announced a few hours ago that a three month old fetus, the one who would’ve been Subway’s two-billionth customer, was aborted, never to develop to full term to know what a Subway sandwich would taste like. The fetus, who would’ve been named Tommy (or Sandra if it was a girl), was destined from the beginning of time to be crowned as Subway’s two billionth customer while ordering a Chicken and Bacon Ranch Melt in 2047. But thanks to a seven-to-two majority from the godless Supreme Court… … Keep Reading


New Abortion Legislation Requires Women To Forget That The World Is A Horrible Place Before Making Their Decision

10/11/2013 By: Maximilian Stolte Congress has passed a new bill that will effectively require all potential patients seeking abortion to undergo a medical procedure that many find controversial and unnecessary. The operation is described by leading Christian medical professionals as “basically the Neuralyzer from Men In Black, but it only makes the mom forget how completely fucked the planet and all its people are”. The legislation passed with overwhelming support from Republicans who argued that were a woman to be conscious of the state of humanity, they would indefinitely choose not to bring another human life into the abysmal void of our… … Keep Reading

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