Self-Proclaimed Empath Treats Waiter Like Garbage

By: Maximilian Stolte

CLEVELAND, OH—Last night, while on a Tinder date at Applebee’s, self-proclaimed empath Sarah Tinsley was reportedly very pleasant to her date, but a complete and total pain in the ass to her waiter. This came as a shock to her date, Tim Marks, who thought he had her personality pegged by her description of herself on her Tinder bio. Mr. Marks learned the hard way that sometimes dating app users exaggerate or present versions of themselves they deem most attractive.

“On the app she described herself as INFJ on the Meyers-Briggs, an empath, and a Capricorn. I thought going into the date that she would be nice and understanding. She she was towards me I guess, except she was god awful to our waiter,” Marks reported. He could hardly believe that someone would falsify a description of themselves so blatantly to someone that they intended to have a romantic relationship with.

Among his list of apathetic behaviors she exuded during their date were the time she asked rudely where her drinks were that she ordered 5 minutes ago, her insistence on ordering off the menu, and her short and curt responses to all of his pleasantries. Marks had never seen someone so self-unaware as his date, who proclaims to possess the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual and simultaneously did not care what a nightmare she was making this poor man’s evening at work.

At the time the bill came she offered to pay for her own and insisted the check be split in two, even though they were both paying in cash, making the server’s job just a little more difficult. This came as no surprise to Marks who also read #feminism in her bio. What did come as a surprise was the tip she left: 78 cents or about .5% of her total bill.