Report: 97% Of Dads Say That’ll Do The Trick

WASHINGTON D.C.— According to the most recent U.S. census, the American Fatherhood population remains at 70.1 million. Recent polling has given insight that in a nearly unanimous level of support, that 97% of dads say that’ll do the trick. Whether they’re needed to fix, jimmy, hang, or other fish to fry, dads from bloody ol’ London to Mumbai and back to the dirt roads of Mississippi know the knockout punch to every kid’s demands.

Throughout 2018, Americans have been searching for intel on a bevy of life’s trials and tribulations. The National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse noted that on a daily basis, children are asking fathers especially, upwards of a dozen favors a day. NRFC chairman John Alloway added, “Dads are asked for help on dozens of things each week. Just imagine the influx of help needed if kids were actually comfortable speaking with their dad?!”

Peter Daniel, long time father, finds himself showcasing an expertise in upbringing that covers “simple toy repairs to how to not be a weirdo in front of girls”. His family of three keeps him busy at all times. “They don’t stop. I can’t even sit on the commode without being asked if I can help with something. Can I help?! Yeah sure. That’ll do the trick. Now wash your hands too.”

The NRFC index of fatherly advice shows that raising children to fear power tools and kitchen appliances has lead to a long term dependency on dear old dad’s wisdom. Alloway added, “We are in the modern era of fatherhood. Fatherhood demands are expanding and dads are getting comfortable with applying the same mechanical advice to some of the most sensitive parenting areas. Nothing wipes away a child’s insecurities with the struggles of adolescent sexuality like tying a bow on some stammering with a confident “That’ll do the trick!”’

American children for generations have laid witness to their fathers exerting an exorbitant amount of effort to rapidly apply resolution to their problems. Far too often the results never match the applied effort and thus one final thrust is put forth. When the task at hand appears to have the slightest positive outcome the battle cry of the dad is exhaled. ‘That’ll do the trick!’ Of course, if something goes awry, dad beckons his child to fetch him a beer, and quickly.