International Women’s Day Moved To Tomorrow Cuz Ain’t NO Man Gonna Fucking Tell Me When To Celebrate

By: Kitty GaLore

LONG ISLAND, NY- That’s right, b!tche$!!! Gear up for tomorrow, March 9, to honor your sisters because we are TAKING OUR DAY BACK. We for sure as hell are not going to let the patriarchy tell us when our day is. So put your pu$$y hat back in your coat pocket and wear it loud and proud TOMORROW (not today). We only get one day in a calendar year to celebrate ourselves and our achievements on a global scale, so we’re gonna choose when it is. And it’s tomorrow. We choose tomorrow. Because honestly, it’s kind of more convenient to have it on a Friday so we can drink another bottle of Rosé at dinner and then go to brunch in the AM for bottomless Bloodys. Also, Katy’s making a dope ass Spinach Artichoke dip but it takes a whole night to chill in the fridge so tomorrow would work better for that. Also also, Rebekah just got a supes cute outfit at Forever 21’s online clearance event and she wants to wear it out dancing on Friday and dancing is just more fun when you are celebrating your best gal pals so let’s wait until tomorrow, k? So, put your bra back on for another 12 hours. The burnings begin at midnight. Unless you like your bra because it is actually comfy and magically has no underwire but still give you tons of support and feels like a gentle hug. Then don’t burn that one. But we are burning down the patriarchy. At midnight. To start the NIWD (New International Women’s Day), March 9.

Sleep well, sluts.

Mwuah.

Xoxo,

Gossip Girl.